Sometimes life gets so sickingly boring I find ways to leave it. I begin to obsess over things to get my mind of life. I obsess over anything from a band to a tv show. I even obsess over ideas. For example one day i was so bored i looked online for a specific jacket that a guy from a band i love wore in a music video. I spent the entire day finding this jacket. Then once i found it i realized it was already 4am. I hadn’t eaten the whole day. I hadn’t even left my room for anything but bathroom breaks. I was so obsessed with finding the jacket that I literally skipped over an entire day. Like it never existed. When i woke up the next morning i didn’t even notice a day had passed. I barley remembered the day. Weird thing is I never bought the jacket. I don’t why i do this but it makes me feel weird. Become entirely devoted to something that’s not even important.
About a month ago me and my friend where talking about how excited we where to see the avengers. I wasn’t really excited did,t even know what it was. So when I went home i spent about 2 weeks watching every single episode of the avengers. Then i watched The incredible hulk, Iron man 1 and 2, Thor, and Captain america. I decided to watch it at about 1 am and finished . I around 10 am. Then i spent the day re watching the movies. I don’t know why just wanted something to do. Then i fell asleep for the first time in 2 days. When i finally watched the avengers I was so obsessed I came home found it online and watched it again. Now I’m obsessed with creating a wallpaper out of the avengers comic book covers using pictured i find online.
I spent so much time on all of this shit that i really don’t give a fuck about. I don’t know why i become so obsessed with such pointless crap. tomorrow i am going to the library to print over 500 pictures of avengers related stuff. Then I’m going to come home and put the pictures on my wall. Then when i finish I will probably find something else to obsess over.
I kind of just want to stop. I can’t do anything without it consuming my life. Even tho I really don’t have a life. Just like the first time i cut. I became so obsessed i did it everyday for hours. I know that I’m doing it I just feel like if I stop then I will realize how stupid and boring my life is and time will slow down. Because when I’m obsessing about something I don’t feel like I am apart of life anymore. I am the character(s) in a movie, the singer of a song, the blood dripping out of my own arms. I even obsess over dreams. I focus so much on trying to remember what I dreamed about that by the time I realize I’m obsessing its already time to go back to sleep. Obsession is my escape from time and space but some time I fear obsessing to much and loosing myself.
9 comments
I know exactly what and how you feel. I do exactly the same. I have wasted almost 1 year of my life now obsessing about things, watching entire series of tv shows from the first to the last (House, the wire, family guy, scrubs, 30 rock, futurama, simpsons etc….). I can watch the same movie ALL day, literally, a full 24h. Obsess about things that have happened, that I have said and done and even things that have not happened but could have.
It is called Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). My OCD does that to me, but it also makes me able to work 15h day too. It defines me. However, it has destroyed my life, I cut (over 300 cuts on my arm), have tried to kill myself 5 times and obsess about everything and anything all the time. It gets the day over, but it does not give you a life. I am 34, so obsession has no boundaries when it comes to age.
I cannot give much advice because I am stuck in this cycle of destruction myself, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in it. Some people can deal with the obsession, I have lost friends and partners because of my obsessions and I have begun to hate myself and self destruct because of it. I hope that you do not go that far.
Me too, as Everlasting says. I learn everything and will spend thousands on new hobbies that only last 3-6 months. I usually master whatever I am interested in and move on, after learning every mind-numbing detail of it. I can’t even begin to list how many hobbies and skillsets that I’ve acquired throughout the last 20 years. Everything outside of learning is dull and “bleak.”
But I usually obsess on something day and night, losing sleep, for months, and then get completely sick of it. At that point I’ve spent 18-20hrs a day (if I’m lucky and get that much sleep) learning every facet of every nook and crannie about the topic. And then just set it down and leave it alone.
Sometimes I’m able to pick it up after a year or so has passed, but often I don’t. I just move onto the next subject to study, and pull out my trusty credit card.
Anyway, I’d like to hear what others are saying about this.
Thanks for sharing.
Forgot to mention I’m in my mid 30’s. Thanks.
Check this out… It’s 8:24am where I am. I’ve spent the last four days nearly non-stop, minus about 5 hours in the middle for sleep, learning about the psychology of suicide and everything related. Last time I slept was 2 days ago in the morning and I’ve almost literally had my iPad in my hands the entire time searching the net.
Looking at my internet history, at one point I looked up “Ryan Breeding Custom Rifles” and “Sarah Jane Underwood” as well as ate, shat, showered, shaved once and texted quite a few times to my only friend. But the entirety of the rest of the four days was learning about suicides, exit methods, and trying to find videos, pictures, medical reports, and statistics and such.
Two weeks ago, it was paracord and knots.
A week prior, it was home defense….
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…..
I do not get involved to the extent to which you describe, but I am always looking for something to keep me from getting bored or thinking about my life. IF I can get involved in something it can distract me from feeling depressed (briefly).
I guess the fact that you recognise your behaviour as excessive is the first step in modifying it (if you think you need to)
If you learn lots of things and dont get much sleep I guess it might effect your work, eventually your health, maybe your finances, but it is not of itself destructive is it?
As long as your obsession is not hurting you or anyone else do you need to change it?
I do this sometimes too. Actually I don’t think it’s the worst way in the world to be. I kind of enjoy it sometimes. I like that when I want to figure something out, I know how to slowly weave my way through the internet and search until I find what I was looking for. Most people would go on Google, type in one thing, not find it in ten seconds, and give up. I’m talking about obscure things, almost like the example you mentioned, watching a music video and wanting to know what jacket someone is wearing. At the moment I can’t think of my own example to show you how similar we are, but that’s the kinda stuff I can lose track of hours doing as well.
Watching entire TV series can be really fun too. I hate having to watch stuff as it airs, one week at a time, or especially waiting in between seasons. It’s nice to find shows that have already been completed and be able to watch them as quickly as you desire.
Someone mentioned OCD in the comments but I don’t think these initial behaviors quite qualify for that, this is just plain old being obsessive. OCD involves more of the nonsensical rituals like flipping light switches a dozen times or constantly washing your hands, thinking doing this things can stop something bad from happening to you. Being online for hours at a time researching something you want to figure out, or getting totally lost in a new TV series or movie isn’t really the same. Typing the word “lost” reminded me, if you haven’t watched the TV series LOST yet, that’s a great show to totally escape life with. So many twists and turns and weird things going on, you can obsess about it for years (As many fans have) lol.
Hey! Although i have not gotten to the extent some of you have, i often use things like manga, anime, movies, reading, TV etc to escape from life. When i get extremely depressed the only thing i want to do is lock myself away from the world and dream about alternative lives i could have, living through the above mentioned pathways.
I don’t see this as a bad thing.
I love being alone, in my own head thinking about things people could not imagine. Others don’t really get that, and feel a need to talk to me or try to include me.
This just tires me out. Being at peace in ones mind and company is a really useful tool in my opinion.
Sometimes escaping the pain of reality is the only way we have learned to cope. A good strategy in some cases, although it doesn’t stop the pain altogether. But i guess we are the broken ones that can never be fixed.
Thank you all for answer. I thought I was just a weirdo. But knowing that I’m not the only person who goes threw this makes me feel a little better. I never thought of it as ocd because I don’t have to do theses things I don’t feel as tho if I stop obsessing bad things will happen. I just like obsessing. Sometimes I feel like if I would try to obsess over things of more importants like learning sign language (i’m deaf in one ear) or learning to play that guitar my mom bought me for Christmas 2 years ago. But for some reason I obsess over stupid things like tv shows and superheros. I don’t know if i subconsciously pick what I’m going to obsess over I just know I start to obsess. So once I’m done redecorating my room and probably re watching all the avengers movies. I’m going to try my best to become obsessed with teaching myself sign language. I have tried making myself obsessed with certain things before but I always end up bored and then get distracted and then become totally obsessed with something completely unrelated to what I was trying to obsess over.I feel like if I learn to choose what I obsess over then this obsessing thing wouldn’t be so bad. If I could use it in the right way then it would be helpful to me instead of just time wasting
Yes we are all this way to some extent.
But really, deep down, deep inside, where the REAL you lives,
You are not this way.
In truth you actually don’t care about jackets or avengers or tv or movies or any of these countless things.
Oh I know it seems like you do.
But the REAL you doesn’t care.
So who does care?
Why the obsession about such things?
YOUR MIND CARES
YOUR THOUGHTS CARE
BUT
YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND