I want you to think of something, but not just anything. About you. About you life. Ever wondered how many people around you actually care and how many are just people waiting for gossip. Or if the people you loved so very much would care if you just one day disappeared. See I recently discovered just how many people “care”. We try to hide the things we love the most, and that’s exactly what I did. For many years I had a best friend. Someone who knew everything about me and the one person I thought really cared. I chose not to see who she […]
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Next Morning
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
It all started on the 25/08/13,
I had just gotten home from drama eisteddfods, which I had been placing in really well and winning majority, my weekend was going great, I also for once had a boy that was interested in me! I know can you believe it me!. When I got home I started talking to that boy and he was having a hard time with his depression and I was helping him. And then it happened. I logged onto Facebook and I see a post in a secret group that I’m in, (my acting class) and it says that Sam Cannon has […]
It is 2:08am and I’ve been in my bedroom listening to my wretched father having a conversation with another man who shall not be named. Every word out of his drunken mouth is like a kick over yet another bottomless cliff.
A little history lesson for all the readers:
Long version:
All my life this drunk has belittled, criticized, ridiculed and harassed his family. He cares only about himself and isn’t afraid to show it. Breath wreaking of cheap beer shouting everything I never needed to hear! My mother was and is too submissive to do anything and then beats herself up for it. My entire childhood was […]
IÂ just want to be happy with myself and be happy with my body
I became ill with m.s 13yrs ago.
so the drs give me pills to help with the pain but I got fatter and fatter
to the point I wont to end my life.
so I went to bed early one night with all my tables. and I tock them all .
but the next morning I woke up the some time I wake every morning.
so I had to make appointment to see my gp.
when I got to see him that day I told him what I had done the night before and I need my tablets […]
I tried I really did but in the end everyone just abandons me, guess that’s what I get for surrounding my self with selfish people. I think Saturday night will be perfect im going to end this pain. I know theres a few good friends that will truly be hurt but in the end I think they already knew I was suffering way to much. As for the rest fuck em I hope they feel like shit, personally Id rather them not care because they never really cared at all. You see some people deal with emotional pain or physical pain I have both, I […]
So, I have been planning on suicide on the 3rd next month. People are telling me not too but, I literally can’t take the pain anymore. I cut last night and I was clean for more than 3 months! But, anyways here’s my pointless story..
So, Last year. ‘8-3-12’ I kinda thought I was in love.
About a couple months into our relationship it was getting a little depressed.
The guy, Jt, told me he loved me everything and then a couple days later,
He just left me and told me everything was getting taken away from him,
his phone,ps3, home phone, etc.
So, I said […]
My life has been so unhappy for the short time I’ve spent here. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD when I was only sixteen. My high school experience was horrible. I remember starting high school, I was so happy, excited, full of life. I remember one day walking up the stairs talking to a friends and they asked me how I could smile all the time for no reason. I can’t even remember the last time I truly smiled. I had an amazing group of eight girl friends, we had been close since middle school, then everything changed when I started hanging out with […]
A few days ago I made an attempt and failed. Â Although the entire event was totally painless and quite peaceful I awoke about 30 minutes after only to find my body had apparently taken over using its’ reflexive ability to remove what was “causing harm”. Â I did not take this into consideration and therefore it serves as yet another example of my capacity to fail miserably. Â The end result was a massive headache which slowly subsided as the evening wore on and a persistent thought that I may have caused some sort of brain damage.
Having a bit of medical knowledge I performed self tests to […]
You think things are going right and then you find out the one that you think love you are lying to your face and it seem to never stop. You don’t understand why they lied, but they just keep lying and you don’t know what is the truth or another lie. You just start to feel the world spinning and you’re scared that the spinning won’t stop. You share the room with that person and they’re so obsessed on keeping the lie alive that you can’t even look at them. You just want to yell and scream at them, but all you do is cut, […]
If you have read my first post you will understand that my life is honestly shit. If you didn’t to sum it up. My dad beat me my whole life, I told him I wanted to kill myself and he told me to do it. He took me to the hospital when I over dosed but dropped me off left, and told me I deserved it. A bunch of stuff has happened since. I have been in 3 mental hospital for attempted suicide. At one point I wasn’t eating or doing much of anything at all. I would go to school come home, and sleep […]
All day long its the same thing. The same boring classes, the same horrible people, the same note plastered on my locker. “DORK”. The same 2-3 hours sitting all alone at home, the same rest of the day being yelled at and being told to shut up when I try to start a pleasant conversation. The same insomnia, trying desperately to fall asleep but my brain wont shut the fuck up, the same exhaustion I feel when I finally shut off my alarm the next morning. Im so tired of this, Im exhausted and bored. I think Im finally done.
I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t see a future for myself like I used to, it never used to be like this. Everything in the last few months has completely destroyed me, I tried to end it and failed. People only want to know if it clears their conscience.
All my life, I’ve had people walk all over me. I’ve been bullied at every school I’ve been to, I’m constantly reminded about how worthless and useless I am by my family, and now I have no one at all to fall back on. I’m sick of this feeling, like I’m just here, existing because people feel […]
In early 2009 I started dealing with severe recurrent depression, even though I was undiagnosed at the time. Â I’m sure many of you know what that feels like. Â I felt like my life had no point, none of my classes were interesting, I didn’t want to hang out with my friends, and I just hated everything and everyone, especially myself. Â All of these emotions just kept building up until I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Â In September of that year I tried to overdose on sleeping pills. Â I calculated what the lethal dose for someone my size would be, and took that plus a few […]
I thought I was on my way to overcoming the sadness but it seems I was wrong. I feel so so so so alone and also unbelievably numb but somehow really sad all at the same time and I can’t really explain how bad I feel right now, just that it’s been a while since I was this low and that yesterday I cut over the almost completely healed scars on my thighs. I don’t even really know why I did it, I think I just like seeing the evidence, seeing that my inner pain can be converted and can mark me on the outside […]
I tried ending my life on Friday by connecting a garden hose to my exhaust pipe and into my car window. Â I could not get a good seal and could not get the exhaust to go through the hose properly. Â I became frustrated and drove home. Â I’m against the idea of having my spouse coming home to discover my body, but I sat in the closed garage for about an hour with the car running. Â Nothing happened. Â I finally gave up and crawled into bed.
The next morning I learned that an extended member had killed himself pretty much the same time as I was failing […]
Feb. 8th I tried to kill myself. I have never attempted anything like this before, but God knows I have been thinking about it for way too long. I was down stairs doing some practice cuts on my wrist, just to see how hard I needed to press and figure the whole mess out. The first cut was quite demeaning. I think one drop fell out, so I tried again in a new spot, harder this time. This time I got a good amount to come out. As I was getting ready to go even deeper and harder I dropped the razor blade and it […]
I’m certain I’m not the only 24 year old out there with a depression issue but I’d like to try and figure this out. I am relativly successful. I recently got out of the military and started college and am going to try and get into the nursing program. I had a lot of issues when I was around 16/17 with depression. Then I got better then again when I was 19 and living alone. I joined the military shortly there after and was fine until the extreme amount of stress was too much to handle any more after 3.5 years. Now i am here […]
(**imagine any name**) And I am 11. I am female, and attend Middle School.
I remember,in 2007, when I was 6, I had just gotten home from school. I was happy, and I thought nothing would get in my way. That all changed the next day, Saturday. I had learned about death when my Uncle died. He died in 2004. Strangley, I remember everything. At he funeral, everyone was eating, and drinking lemonade, after honoring him. I was crushed. My older brothers best friend? My best friend? I would never see him again. I cried every night. He sed to help me sleep too. He […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
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