Every time you mention something for the future, I can’t help but stare at you for a few seconds too long.
That night where you came home drunk, crying out that you missed Nanna; I’ll never forget how pained you sounded or how tired you looked. And I won’t forget how both my brother and I sat with you, brushing back your hair and whispering to you how much we love you. I’ll remember that because I know it’s how you’ll react once I’m gone, only this time I won’t be the one who opens the door to a sobbing woman looking for her keys. I won’t be sitting beside you, won’t be whispering to you, won’t be holding your hand, I won’t look down and smile at you. I’ll be gone, and I wish I could just stop and be normal for once, for your sake.
I am so, so sorry Mum.
4 comments
I’ve read all your post’s. What happend to you when you were younger isn’t your fault, i don’t know how hard it must be to live with that as I’ve never experienced it. But you are so young and life could change dramatically for you. I’m 30 and had my best years, from 18 to 25 life was one big party, and i loved it. What you wrote in this post actually touched me.
Thank you PlanningIt, but I honestly don’t think my age has anything to do with it. I know that I haven’t experienced things others people have, but I guess I don’t want to. If I was to experience anything, I’d want to experience it while happy. Thank you for your words though, they mean a lot.
I shouldn’t say this but you could always get into drug’s. I used to take them all the time and their great fun, but they take their toll on your mind and body over the years. But it could give you a few more years of being here.
You’d have to know people to get into drugs, and believe me when I say that I do not know anyone. Good idea though, cheers! (: