Angry

I have been getting angry over everything lately and that just  makes me madder. I screamed today to get it out but it didn’t really help. Ever since I got out of the hospital things just makes me madder. I haven’t gotten counseling yet because of money issues so I have no one to talk to. I can’t talk to the people around me because I have a good feeling they will take it the wrong way or won’t really understand. I really want a counselor. I need someone to vent to who won’t take it so personally and get hurt by it. Or upset. My closest friend is too sensitive that if I complain and tell her something that something irritates me she will probably take it too personally and get really upset. I am sensitive too so I know that she won’t take it well. I’ve known her for years. I need a break. From everything. People, the world, and life. I hate being angry and I hate myself for it. I wish I was more apathetic like I use to be before I went to the hospital. Not caring seemed easier. Life seems almost worse now. The ‘honeymoon’ stage of getting out of the suffocating hospital is over. Actually, it was over awhile ago. That hospital felt like a prison. The longer I was in there the more I wanted to die. I don’t like my freedom being taken from me. Even my freedom to die.

I hate myself even more today because my friend wanted to end our friendship because I don’t call her enough. She felt like I didn’t care about her. I felt like a bad friend and a *****.