Unfortunately I have let myself be that type of boyfriend before. Maybe some guys are controlling just because they want to treat women badly, but I know in my case, and maybe the same for your boyfriend, it’s really all about insecurity. I’d get all upset and jealous when my gf wanted to do something else because I was scared of losing her. I live a fairly sheltered life and don’t need a lot of friends and I was happy to just see her most of the time, and I guess I took it personally when she felt she would have more fun going out with other people and doing other things. I’m not trying to justify it at all, it’s really a disgusting way to be and a real man doesn’t need to act all needy and clingy because they have confidence and they have other things they want to do without their gf too. In my case it was tough for me because when I first met my ex she said she didn’t like going out either and for the first six months she was the one calling me every day and just wanting us to hang out and nothing else. I guess eventually she got bored of that and it was hard for me to accept the transition when suddenly she wanted to do other things. Sadly I’ve even been pathetic enough to tell her I was suicidal after the breakup and try to get her to stay with me.

As much as the breakup totally destroyed me, I’m slowly starting to see that this happened for the best. I need to learn to like myself and stop making someone else responsible for my happiness. That’s a big part of the problem too. Without much of a life of my own, if my gf didn’t want to hang out, it meant I would be lonely and depressed all day. It’s not fair to want to see someone every day just because it benefits me. I realize now if I really love someone and know that they are special, it makes perfect sense that other people are going to want to spend time with them and I should want them to be happy. But I wasn’t totally the bad guy, my ex lied to me a lot and paid a lot of attention to other people, so that only made my fears worse.

Anyways, these types of relationships just aren’t healthy. You shouldn’t be feeling so miserable and wanting to end your life just to avoid hurting someone else. If you don’t think you’re going to be able to find happiness, you’re gonna have to find a way to leave, and it’s crazy to think that I can encourage you to do that when at first I thought my ex was so horrible for doing it to me. I guess that goes to show that I’ve really learned I was the problem and I deserved what happened to me. Don’t let him make you feel guilty, don’t get it in your head that if he hurts himself that it was your fault. If he really threatens you that he is going to harm himself, all you can do is notify his family or encourage him to go talk to somebody if he is that upset about it, but you can’t spend your life miserable just because you’re worried about what he would do.

I feel bad for the guy because he has a tough road ahead of him but he needs to learn some of the same lessons I did, and learn them the hard way. Like I said I don’t think all guys who act like this are totally evil, in our minds we feel like the victim and we feel scared and afraid that we are going to lose someone if we let them go do other things. We don’t mean to ruin your lives and it never feels good knowing that labels like “controlling” and “jealous” apply to you.

The only thing other than just trying to break up would be to try to talk to him about it, maybe he will open up about why he acts that way and maybe he’ll explain some of the same feelings that I’ve expressed here, and maybe you’ll be able to comfort him that just because you have other interests or other friends that you want to see doesn’t mean he isn’t important to you. You can basically let him know how much this is bothering you and give him one chance to start acting right otherwise let him know it’s a very real possibility that he will end up single and that you will not let yourself feel responsible if he chooses to harm himself. Let him know that he has a chance to save this relationship, but only on the terms that both of you get to be happy and live your lives the way you want. Tell him he can either learn to compromise and possibly you’ll be able to stay together, or if he is unwilling to work on himself that you are going to have to leave. As much as I don’t blame my ex for her decision, I do wish I had gotten a final chance like that. We didn’t talk about things until after the breakup, which meant it was too late to do anything about it. Plus, if you break up with someone without giving them a real chance, you may end up feeling guilty, wondering if you did the right thing, and even though you’ll be free from the relationship you’ll still find yourself unhappy. You don’t want to make a big decision like this just to end up unhappy either way. It might make you feel more confident to make a decision if you know you gave him a very clear final warning. That way when you decide to leave he won’t be able to make you feel guilty by saying he didn’t know it was that serious. If he’s a hard guy to talk to then right him a letter or something. That would be the ideal way of handling it in my mind, make sure he knows exactly how you’re feeling about this and that it needs to change. A lot of times guys are telling the truth when we say we have no idea what’s going on with girls and didn’t know there was a serious problem. Maybe try to give the guy a chance to smooth this out, but if it’s already too far gone and you feel like you just won’t be able to love him anymore, then you may just have to find the strength to leave.