We broke up a a while ago. Why? He thinks it’s because I liked someone else. It’s not. But thats what my ex “best friend”, Sara, told him. fucking liar. He says she told him that she hates me. Oh well, she wasn’t a great friend anyways. But it hurts that he believes her. He was my best friend. He posted on here about this. But. the truth is, I broke up with him because I loved him, and I couldn’t deal with the distance, we were dating for months, yet saw each other TWICE. That and I was going to take him back until I realized he refused to get help. But every time i told him to get help, he refused. what was supposed to be the third time, he ditched me for Sara because she had a court date the next day. Even though Sara was the one who told him I was a lesbian, and to be perfectly honest, she is the only other reason we broke up. Because I felt GUILTY. Even though she went out of her way to hurt me, I FELT GUILTY.
The rest of the times we were supposed to see each other, i wasn’t allowed. So I couldn’t cope. I still wanted to be friends, like before. i guess that when people say “we can still be friends”, they are lying. Does this sorta thing ever work out? I wish. I don’t want to lose you, devin, but you say I made you cry. And I hate myself for that. I can’t even get mad at my little brother for messing up my homework, without crying because he got sad. How can I not hate myself for making him cry? And you know what Devin, I met this guy because I was crying during rehearsal over the fact that you said you were going to kill yourself. I cried for the entire rehearsal because I was scared of losing YOU. I never told him, but I told my best friend Mia, she said to tell your parents. But why haven’t I? Because I am scared you wont want to be my friend anymore. Now you never want to talk to me again, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. And now, I went back to an eating disorder, something I have never told anyone. Not even the people in the hospital, who had worse problems. I started binge and purge again. You deserve better than me. Im crap. I am a fucked up dumb ass who doesn’t deserve someone like you!! DON’T YOU GET IT? IM TOO FUCKED UP, TOO BROKEN, TOO HURT. I started crying in the counselor’s office, I ended up telling her, (Don’t worry, there’s doctor patient confidentiality.) And like Mia, she said to tell your parents. so I guess that’s my only other option other than letting him go to die. So now you probably hate me forever, because I have told those two people. I want to tell your parents, or your sister, then maybe you will survive. Get help, like i’ve been asking you to. But I’m scarred. Scared of losing my best friend… I guess in a way, I have already lost you, and you already hate me forever…
I don’t get it. Why do I keep chasing things I have already lost?
I guess I should leave you alone now… Im so sorry.
2 comments
hey… this is kinda weird but i have been talking to devin lately trust me i dont think he hates u give it some time.
Im worse than you are. You aren’t the suicidal one who jumps off cliffs and too depressed to eat. I knew you did that before, I don’t care. I still like you, I always have. I’m the broken jelous one. The real fucked up one here. I’m sorry you do all of these things. I wish you would have told me sooner. I’m not mad at you because of Mia and the councilor. Don’t worry about it. Im just pissed at myself for making you do all of this. And I don’t care about how fucked up you are. I love you as you are for your personality. Now all I want to do is apologize for hurting you like this. You can trust me, you know you can. I’m not here to hurt you or make fun of you. You can tell me ANYTHING I don’t care. If there is anyone here that you can trust, it’s me. I hope you read this and I’m still really really sorry. Your the one who deserves better