_lost._.one_

I forgot about this blog. It’s sad. About six months ago I tried killing myself with a ton of aspirin and vodka. The problem was when I got too drunk and threw up the vodka and the pills came with it. I guess I shouldn’t have drank all that vodka. I was on the hospital for three days and then went to two different mental facilities. I never really got a definite diagnosis. They said I have PTSD and depression and anxiety and it was like Hm. None of the pills they gave me worked though. I went home after a couple weeks, and honestly […]

Is this how I am forced to live? Yes. No. I don’t know. All I know is that this might be another forever problem in my life. Got any suggestions? Comment any adhd info or solutions. Had it since I was a kid.

So I have a few problems.  Not huge, maybe just dumb. I do things in my own way and that is what  is holding me back. My own adoptive father wants to emancipate me, and for fucks sake, I have never really known a real family. In my mind we should all get along. Maybe it’s  the trauma, I don’t know. Anyways I would like to ask one question. I am a cutter and use glass and razors to cut with, but what do you use? comment it. 🙂

I relapsed. I started again with the cutting again after four months of being clean. I want to tell my boyfriend, but im not sure how…Any suggestions?

Share your suicide story with others.

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That’s their slogan, this seems wrong, sad. I need you to be happy. Not supporting suicide, I want a peace, a change.

Why are so many people scared? The only thing you should fear is yourself.  Too many times have I asked why and never received a story, or even just an explanation. This isn’t another sad story, another depressing post, this is a question. One day I will die, one day we all will die, but why are we so eager? There’s so much in this world left for our minds to explore.  People need exploration, they need answers. I want to start a movement, a revolution. I want to make people happy. I want to see people I have never seen smile smiling. You don’t […]

You’re beautiful, quit this nonsense, turn your chin to the sky, and smile. Be proud of your existence, be proud of who you are. There’s no one like you, near or far. Look at the clouds and breath, fall down, get back up. I love you. Eternally I will love you, love your soul, love for a being of immense beauty. Like every other soul, you are constantly challenged and torn apart. Souls heal though, but not through physically inflicted pain. Look to the moon, for it has all of the answers; the seer of all. In the moon’s brightness you will see yourself, and […]

You’re beautiful, quit this nonsense, turn your chin to the sky, and smile. Be proud of your existence, be proud of who you are. There’s no one like you, near or far. Look at the clouds and breath, fall down, get back up. I love you. Eternally I will love you, love your soul, love for a being of immense beauty. Like every other soul, you are constantly challenged and torn apart. Souls heal though, but not through physically inflicted pain. Look to the moon, for it has all of the answers; the seer of all. In the moon’s brightness you will see yourself, and […]

You’re beautiful, quit this nonsense, turn your chin to the sky, and smile. Be proud of your existence, be proud of who you are. There’s no one like you, near or far. Look at the clouds and breath, fall down, get back up. I love you. Eternally I will love you, love your soul, love for a being of immense beauty. Like every other soul, you are constantly challenged and torn apart. Souls heal though, but not through physically inflicted pain. Look to the moon, for it has all of the answers; the seer of all. In the moon’s brightness you will see yourself, and […]

He said he loved me. Said he would never leave me or let me down, never. He treated me right. He treated me nice. Called me his princess, I didn’t think twice. Hands crept upon me, lips locked. Said he loved me. Marked me with bites and bruises, hickeys exposed. Now I have these marks of love and all they do is remind me who you once were. Said you would never leave, but after those hickeys you turned your back. Love and hickeys, are pain and sick to me.

(not true)   🙂

Only water and crackers.

starve and infatuate upon all of this new worlds beauty. Anorexia nervosa and Bulemia. They overtake you  and control you. Never good enough. skinnier! Me? oh, well I am anorexic, no one notices, but I don’t care. They look at me and say I need to eat. I just tell them I eat all the time, not completely a lie, I used to eat all the time. Call me fat, call me skinny, I won’t care. I’ll never eat either way. I love bones and blood, mine that is.

-LoSt 🙂

My heart physically hurts.

my head physically hurts.

my legs physically hurt.

and i think im breaking,

Touches me.

whispers to me.

blinds me.

controls me.

I never see him, only in my dreams.

but he is there.

real.

real to me.

a protector?

an enemy?

Unknown to all.

but there for me.

I’m scared.

he won’t leave.

but leaves me with hurt.

Our happiness (we the community of sufferers) is always put last. We feel as if happiness will never exist, but what if everyday you tell yourself you can be happy, then what? Maybe, just maybe our, your happiness will come. It will take an immeasurable amount of time but you will receive your joy.
Comment your thoughts on this; Do you think happiness exists, Will you bring upon yourself joy, what you think happiness is for you? 

I  think happiness is art. It makes me feel enlightened, every brush stroke, every line. It is almost as amazing and intriguing as sadness. 

Yay! A day where you can support people who are suffering. But, how are you supposed to know who to support if you don’t know who is suffering?

Good luck finding that out

🙂

I support everyone who is hurting

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A lot of people said overdose won’t work, but what it will do is knock me out. It will make me sleep so that when kick the chair beneath me I won’t sense the pain 🙂 thanks though.

I have a jar full of pills, I am not entirely sure what they all are, but I am going to take them all. Swallow. Gulp. Gone. That’s it for me haha, I am excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die,excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die,excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die,excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die, excited to die,excited to die, […]

It hurts that the person I feel for thinks I am a freak.

It hurts that she wants me to leave her alone.

It hurts because I never even got the chance to talk to her.

Maybe I should forget her.

maybe I should fucking die and kill myself, because honestly, she was the last string holding my shitty sweater of a life together. I just wish I could restart, but I get these compulsions to do certain things (such as basically stalk all of her social media sites) I am a freak.

Even I agree i’m a freak.

GOD DAMN IT! UGH! WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO […]