you know, it’s real easy for people to say just ” get over it ” you can’t just get over it. When you have been through what I have, seen the things I’ve seen, even heard the things I’ve heard. Suffered at all, you would get it. You would fucking get it and maybe it would make any kind of sense. It hurts, I’m in so much pain. I’m sick and tired of waking up acting like everything is okay. When it isn’t and it never will be. All I ask for is to be free and that isn’t possible.
I need help, I am falling apart and I just can’t take it anymore. I relapsed last night and have over 30 cuts, every night I go to sleep the feeling of insanity. Waking up with panic attacks and blaming myself for every thing. I hate myself so much and all I want to is die. That’s all I want and that’s my only 11:11 wish. If I was walking and a car was coming towards me I wouldn’t get out of the way. People think I’m okay, but I’m actually dying inside. All I am doing is pushing people away. I feel so fucking empty […]
Does anyone know how to cope or deal with borderline personality disorder? It’s tearing me apart and I can’t manage anything without fucking something up, please if anyone knows explain to me small simple things I can do to improve..
Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on anymore?
Like you don’t care about anything anhmore.
You’ve lost your motivation to do anything.
You are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel.
You have that feeling of emptiness, and that feeling that no one is there for you. That feeling that no one understands you anymore.
And it seems like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore.
Well, if so.. Me to.
Today I woke up in pain, mental and emotional pain. I just didn’t feel right this morning and there wasn’t anything wrong or anything that, ” triggered ” me.. I went to school and my boyfriend was asking me what was wrong and what happened. I continue to say nothing and then he says once again, well something has to be wrong.. I looked him dead in the eye, broke down and said ” there doesn’t have to be a reason when you’re depressed ” and that is what people don’t get. Unless you know what it’s like to actually suffer with depression and anxiety […]
It has been super long since I’ve posted anything, but since then my life has been a fucking roller coaster and it’s ridiculous. I can’t even fathom how much I despise everyone. I don’t want to be around any social life and all I want to do is baracade myself in isolation. I honestly hate but have envy for the people that don’t understand. Depression and anxiety isn’t sadness or just stress, it’s a constant feeling of wanting to not be around anymore. Constant feeling like you just want to die. The way your heart beats, the way your mind races. Holding your hands to your […]
I think it’s sad when you learn you finally love someone.. that would be my father. I have taken him for granted, but yet again he doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to suffer with depression and anxiety. I can never talk to him. Before I was token away, I was daddies little girl.. no matter what he has done to my family or my mom. We’ve separated so much through the years.. I cant just go speak to him about it, it’s different..
I honestly don’t feel like anybody is listening.. but I like the thought. Done posting for tonight, I post too much.
… too Scared of life, to carry on,
… too Useless for everyone, they all want me gone,
…too Impossible to love, too impossible to care,
… too Confused in this broken land, for me there’s no one there,
… too Invisible for everyone, they think I’m bore,
… too Damaged at heart which they tore,
… too Emotional, I can’t live anymore…
People think because of the house i live in, the way i act. “MY HAPPIESS” that when people see the cuts and scars that its all bullshxt. I can’t explain in a way they understand. Why would the Lord let me, us suffer like this? if hes there ..
Do i like to cut? maybe .. Does it hurt? no.. It’s like people addicted to something, they feel numb. No pain. Just the relief. That’s cutting for me.. I makes all the pain go away. But, that’s okay.
Maybe one day people will understand, sike .. xD They never will. I’ll just keep it to myself and […]
Why is it when I always feel better and “happy” something goes wrong .. I usually hate school because the people there, but then i also hate being in the house where i sleep I don’t even call hit home, because it feels nothing like it .. suicidal thoughts ? yeah ..
I don’t know what to do anymore, there is this strange part of me that wants to die, kill myself, have someone kill me, just DIE.
But .. the thought of death scares me. Where do you go ? Is there a Heaven is there a Hell ?
Where is this ‘ LORD ‘ when I need him. I want to believe, it’s just so hard .. I know the devils real. I feel like he’s everywhere. He’s the blade that cuts me, he’s the alcohol that takes over my mother. The fist of my father. He’s the urge to die.
” Now I lay me down […]