Have you ever felt like you wanted to be part of something bigger than yourself.  A place you can call yours. Somewhere no matter what you said or did it was fine, no one who give you shit. A place where no one had the same story but similar experience. A place where you actually fit in and your words were heard? Well this is it. This is the closest you will ever get. A place like that doesn’t exist, why would you even wish or think of a place like that? All there is, is this website. A place we all call Home.
I just realized I have no really friends they all live in my head, I’m not schizophrenic, I just talk, I imagine who I would talk to. It’s like there is some one who actually cares about me. No one in real life would listen or care about my problem like suicide and cutting so I had to make people who would listen. For the past 4 years I lived in this world that I have created in my head, ever time I am alone physically, I’m never alone in my mind. Thats how reality is, its not really none of it, no really cares about you. I guess that’s why […]
I was suicidal in the beginning of this year and tried to kill myself in February. I have been cutting for 3 years now. BUT. It HAS gotten better. I still get extremely sad and I can’t help that, but what helped me was never being alone, never having the time or energy to think. For the past month I was never alone I stayed after school with friends and had the time of my life, laughing.  I was never left to my own thought and thats what kills you. You just need to keep busy, distract your self, think of those moments the you laugh so hard you started […]
You could go the distance
You could run the mile
You could walk straight through hell with a smile
When your, standing in the hall of fame
And the world’s gonna know your name
Cause you burn with the brightest flame
And the world’s gonna know your name
And you’ll be on the walls of the hall of fame
Everyone Fakes. They fake the smile, the happiness, the caring part no one actually cares about you. That’s why no one will care if I die.
Right now I have such a small amount of hope… but its enough to keep me alive…I really hope that its just enough to last…enough to get me through but its dying, getting smaller…everyday..dying. The source of my hope… Music…one song… Famous Last Words…”I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.”……… Thanks My Chemical Romance for keeping me alive even if its just for a little while
You can go, you can start all over again, you can try to find a way to make another day go by. Â You can hide, hold all your feelings inside. Â You can try and carry on when all you want to do is cry. and maybe someday we’ll figure all this out, try to find a way to make things better now. We’ll be better off.
We’ll be better off dead
When I am left with only myself, its bad. No one should be left alone with me. I just stare at a wall and think, think about all the bad things. My head is the worst place to be, and thats where I find myself a lot. Thinking. When I think I do actions like cutting, I think of ways I could kill myself. I shouldn’t be left to my own thoughts.
They all think that my mental break downs are for attention. Â Well I’m sorry all I want to do is disappear into the back round, be invisible to everyone. They think that I cut for attention, they think I’m sad and depressed for attention and for people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want people to think that my suicide was for attention. I don’t want people to even remember me. I don’t want to be remembered.
Some people are just clueless about depression and suicide. They just say “oh pick yourself back up” if only it was that simple. If it was that simple no one would commit suicide. They have no idea how difficult it is just to make it through a day without falling all apart. So maybe its better to keep it inside until it kills you. Until you kill yourself. Until it all ends.
17 days thats how long I’ll wait. I’ll wait for a reason to keep going. To keep fighting. To keep hope. 17 days. I wish I was brave enough to keep living but I’m scared of tomorrow. I’m afraid to come living. 17. 17 days and I won’t have to scared anymore. 17
Death and cutting is all I ever think about. In school. At home. I want to cut myself. I want to die. I think about what would happen if I died what would people do what happens adter death. I don’t know there’s just something comforting about death