It’s a simple fact of life. Everyone avoids anything that causes them discomfort. And it’s understandable and human. But when I’m the source of that discomfort, it just doesn’t seem right. It hurts too much. I didn’t ask to feel this way.
Goddamn, but it hurts. And there are too many similarities between all my experiences, too many for comfort. It makes me feel ugly and uncertain. It feels so UNJUST, you know?
What is “fair”, anyways?
It’s my lack of trust, which hurts me so much. So much. and I think they misunderstand me. But how much am I to blame?
I’m trying so hard to stand up for myself, to respect MYSELF. And I realize I can be so destructive, which is why I keep everything bottled up inside in an attempt to be “fair” and not hurt anyone. But all that bottled stuff is constantly poisoning me […]
Like those villains in the movies.
Hee hee hee.
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
Do you ever feel like your face is melting plastic?
Like everything about you is fake, a cheap foreign knockoff
of a genuine
huMan BeINg
There’s no way to even really describe this. My god, all I wanted was to convey the terrifying EXPLOSIVE power of what happens within me, but I’ve no idea how.
I get angry. Or rather, perhaps I’m always angry, it just get buried nice and deep until I’m numb numb numb numb numb numb
And then everything starts combusting within me. And all I want is to SCREAAAAAAAAM. But I never do. I never do. It’s always just an internal internal scream of despair or anger or sadness or loneliness or DISGUST. Oh yes, a word I know well. Absolute, vile, putrid, festering, poisonous DISGUST. At people, […]
where does it all come from? It seems to be endless, a voracious beast with an unquenchable appetite. The emptiness surrounds me, sticks to my skin like some disgusting, sticky black membrane, constantly separating me from the world, never allowing any emotions in or out.
Sometimes I feel it as a stab of desperate loneliness, and I want nothing more than to scream–but I can’t find the energy. Other times it recedes to the background as a dull throbbing, and I’ll sit in one place for hours on end. Sometimes it verges on something vaguely resembling pain, though even then it’s as if I can’t even […]