My parents say I want to call attention. That the way I dress demands attention. That I embarrassed them. I don’t try to. I just can’t be myself. I see myself In the mirror and all I see is a fat lard. I hate my skin tone, my eyes, my hair, my body! I hate it all! So I try to make it better! I try to hide my fat body under layers of clothes. I hide my face under make up! I hide my ugly untamed frizzy shit colored hair under dye. I change how I look! And only when I change it I […]
My parents denie to take me to a doctor. They think I’m just in a ‘phase’. That there is nothing wrong with me. I’m just being rude and moody. They can’t see beyond that. Why?
Because think of it. What will the neighbors think!? *le gasp*
What will the neighbors say if their daughter takes antidepressants?
How will mother and fathers friend say?
It not right. She’ll get over it, just ignore it.
Yes just ignore it, and while you worry about what the neighbor thinks, I’ll be in my room doing my new hobby. Cutting. But don’t worry mommy I’ll hide them. We wouldn’t […]
I remember the day I did it. I laughed and laughed and laughed until my laughter mixed with my tears and sobs. I sat in my bathroom floor while I laughed. No one was home.
I had tried to kill myself. taken pills. I was on pain meds and muscle relaxers (I have a bad back.). I had had an argument with my aunts and parents, I was feeling worthless, I’m always causing problems to them. I can never be that bundle of joy I was when I was younger. My mind is to messed up for that.
But I remember. I took one, then […]