It’s sad when I let myself think about it. I know it’s my fault. People leave me a lot, some in kinder ways than others. Friends that just started ignoring me, my best friend of four years who spilled part of a really important secret that I would have killed myself over had I not been able to convince my parents otherwise. But I push people away too. Honestly, it’s probably better for them that way. I don’t want to be more of a burden, and I always seem to end up hurting people. I know I don’t deserve friends, but it still hurts. I […]
Complicated is a good word for my family dynamic. I’m the middle child, with an older brother and a younger sister. Despite being the golden child, my sister isn’t so bad. My brother on the other hand, is. There’s too many incidents to list them all, but I’ll name a few:
when my sister and I were younger, he would stick needles into nerf gun bullets and threaten us with them. He threw a fork at me that ended up hitting me in the eye. (luckily, I only got a mild scratch and can still see) He’s beaten me with a chair. He’s tried to kill […]
I wish I could disappear so badly. I’m destroying myself, but I can’t stop, and I want to die more than anything else. I’m drowning in everything I have to do. I have an essay to write, two projects to do, four songs to learn for honors orchestra, science olympiad, theater, Girl Scouts, horseback riding, a million animal or regular chores, and violin lessons. On top of that, my father keeps nagging me about applications, but I don’t want to live long enough to get to high school anymore. The deadlines and the walls are closing in. I’ve acted strong for years, but I can’t […]