I will not argue that people aren’t shit, but there is merit in this world. Maybe not for people like us, but for some people, this existence, is the best thing imaginable. Now I know we may not get that, you have to want to see good in the world but not only that you also have to accept that there is bad. It is the yin to our yang. I’m not saying you have to be happy about it. Hell none of us would be here if we were happy. However, if you just sit back and listen to the hum of the world […]
Beyond god
Beyond meaning
Life is but a glimmer
In the infinite darkness
While all that we know
Apears limitless
But in truth
We are ants
We are but bugs
Crushed be the universe
by destiny
By the dreams we bind ourselves to
Grasping for a greater purpose
Grasping for the glimmer
Do you ever think maybe you’re wrong?
Maybe if you just talked to someone it’d all fix itself?
I’ve thought about it.
But what magical solution would someone else have that I didn’t?
Is there really some magical phrase that would suddenly make me better?
Is there really a cure for feeling like your existence is unecessary?
When does something become a problem?
How much is far enough?
Am I sick?
Am I just a hypochondriac?
Can this even be described as sickness?
I don’t want to do it anymore.
I haven’t wanted to do anything for awhile now.
Is that enough?
Can I go now?
How much longer?
I’m tired?
Is that what you need?
Is it still not enough?
Please
Why?
I’m sorry I’ll try harder?
When can I go?
Sorry
It’s okay
I’ll leave now
Why do some say its love or death?
If there is another option then go for it;
for me there is just death.
Its not a an if its a when.
Honestly, ive tried before,
people who know tell me its a miracle.
To me its a curse,
It feels inescapable
Ive heard stories,
people who are glad they failed,
To me it feels like I can’t even do it right.
I will succeed next time.
I don’t care when
Loose ends don’t matter to dead people.
That moment in the night when the ac turns off, the animals quiet, breathing slows, and all you’re left with is the unshakable silence. Even though there are sounds, your ears refuse to listen and eventually everything fades to nothing. That silence seems to last a lifetime.
First it’s the heartbeat, the blood flowing through your body, the faint breathing, then it all comes like a flood of sounds, and in that short moment you were reminded how insignificant your existence is.
I remember the first time I told someone in person that I had attempted suicide many times. I had just forfeited a debate round and my coach was furious. I was talking off my anxiety with the girl I still love today (4 years later).
I was walking on one of those concrete walls next to stairs outside, this one more tall than usual, personally I’m terrified of falling/heights. So to calm myself down I try to do something that is more terrifying than my thoughts, that’s how I overcome my anxiety attacks. So anyway I’m pacing back and forth on this wall talking to my friend […]
The stories about suicide attampts vary. There are some who instantly regret it and others who realize there was no regret. The latter often try again, I am apart of the latter.
I do understand the most do not succeed on a first attempt; but, I’d like to think that my chances would have increased by the 15th. However, I still try, try, try again hoping for a different result. Honestly, I don’t really remember how many times it has been now.
….
Yet, to me none of that matters. Eventually one day I’ll get it right. You’d think after all these attempts someone would care to […]