Maybe I’m just a petty *****, but I’m starting to run out of things that I truly can’t live out without. Family is something I can do without most days, as it feels like they just press me and nag me to do things that I don’t want to do anymore. Then the guilt of thinking such things presses me even more than they ever could. Friends? Once again, take them or leave them. I yearn for real conversation, but I also can’t do it. I drop hints, then lie about being fine. It’s a mess, but then again I’m here. The only real things […]
I don’t know how much longer this joy will last. Hopefully until the end of the year, but I doubt it. Hey, at least I’m not completely empty… I feel like I’m just complaining for the sake of complaining, and that this isn’t real… I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, because I don’t think that it’s a big deal, or that I lie. I lie a lot. More than I should, about small things. Hell, my entire life is a goddamn lie at this point. Stuck between two choices, unable to listen to what my conflicting ideas are. I feel alone and wish I could […]
Man, isn’t it the best when an opportunity comes your way to actually reach out, and you do absolutely nothing? In my case, it was a depression screening. I could’ve answered better, but oh well. It was set up on 1, 2, 3, with 3 being like you were planning to kill yourself asap. Only answered 1 and 2. I’m a dumbass. No better way to put it, now is there?
I don’t know what to do… I’m being assaulted from all sides… my safe haven is causing me to have panic attacks… I can’t look at myself in the mirror without a shirt on… I was nearly forced to come out to my parents by someone… I’m afraid for a friend who just blocked me in every way that I can communicate with her… I’m freaking out right now… this feels like a cry for attention, but I don’t know how else to voice it… please, I just need someone to talk to… ANYONE…
God, I’m tired… pressure from all sides, both offline and online….. even my safe haven is starting to put pressure on me…. I want to help people, but it hurts every time I do… like I’m powerless to help people or that I’m being hypocritical…. I think of death often, but I’m afraid of it. I push people away, yet ask why I feel so alone. I’m afraid of anything physical, yet I crave affection. I sleep next to a box of straight razors at night, but I can’t look at them…. I hate this… I want it to end…