Him. My best friend, my only love, my everything. I almost lost him to a shot in the head.
I wasn’t allowed to see him in ICU today and I almost replicated his actions just get myself in there next to him.
I am excruciating pain but i know he is too. Emotional pain and physical. I’ve cursed myself over and over for letting him go. Lying to myself that i do not need him and yet he is my support and my back bone.
He isn’t happy. Darning himself for being so careless with his act, cursing himself for being so useless he failed […]
At 6 AM in an all black outfit I ate ” Coffee lovers Only Ice cream @ Coldstone
At 7 AM in an all grey outfit I saw Jack the only person who would know my fate
Fast track:
5 PM I am at the tallest Building watching and internalizing the fact that I am not going to a better place but running away from this hell of a state.
I can’t say that throughout the day i was petrified, disturbed or unsettled
BUT I can say that I was at peace. At my utmost tranquilized state
I WAS FREE.
UNTIL
I will let the blade gash through […]
There was point in time, actually about two months ago when I genuinely knew what I felt. Sadness, pain and hopelessness. Now I’m not too sure. I have episodes of numbness. I always feel out of everything. It’s like I’m watching myself burn and I’m low-key smiling because I’ve wanted this for long. I’m extremely exhausted. I’m NUMB. I just DO NOT KNOW anymore. Not who I am. Not what I am going through. Not what I want to be because I see no future. That light at the end of the tunnel that everyone seems to claim there is, is seemingly non existent. Yup. […]
I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror without shedding a tear, fighting back my instinct to break the mirror and distort the already distorted and ugly image in from of me.
I look down at my arms and barely to and fight the urge to do it again. I lost again. I’m fighting a losing battle. Bursting images of dangling feet and a thick sisal rope engulf me everytime I shut my eyes. Each time one step closer to the day I do it. The day I put an end to my undying and relentless pain.
The day I’ll finally […]
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