Author

Barytron

Not ready for death but can't handle life either.

Pressure

by Barytron 7/21/2015

written by Barytron

I am getting ready. I just want somewhere to say it. I can’t tell my friends excitedly about my plans, so I’ll tell you all.

I filed for residency last week. I will get my ID here soon. Then I can buy a pistol. I already have one chosen. Then I can take a concealed carry class and always feel safe, knowing death is always close if I need it. Though I still intend to wait until january, the weight and surety of a gun both soothes me and revs me up. Six more months. Six more months and I’m allowed to quit.

Just six more months.

So […]

7/21/2015 7 comments

Weary

by Barytron 7/7/2015

written by Barytron

Were that I could curl against
that tipping point
an’ place my breast
my sternum rent against its edge
press down where guilty muscle’s spent
and worn from fighting blackened webs
That wrap around, the charred scent sweet,
my heartbeat wearing, growing […]

7/7/2015 0 comment

Stigma of compulsion

by Barytron 7/6/2015

written by Barytron

Suicide is stigmatized as a quick sudden choice. Not for me. I roll my plans and deadline over and over in my head. The biggest question haunting me. Should I tell him? Will he feel better if he knows and can ask questions first? Should I ask my family to keep it a secret from him? Hasn’t his life seen enough death already?

I scour the internet for advice and come upon articles laying out tired hatred for narcissistic, manipulative exes pulling the suicide card. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to manipulate anyone. I just want to talk to my best […]

7/6/2015 2 comments