bbbaron

when you are completely busy your depression lifts. That’s partly true. You don’t feel as miserable because you’re not focused on it. Life is the same. Same triggers. Same disappointments, only, there is less time to dwell on them. But when you stop, at night, struggling with sleep; the weekends, when you have no friends to be with, and no one to talk to, and a pile of work you have to do but are avoiding doing… it all comes back.

What am I doing this for? What do I want?

Then you realize just how dissatisfied you are. You realize how unhappy and unfulfilled you […]

Things never really improve. I’m tired.

Night time the thoughts get so jumbled up in my head… I feel like dying.

I am very clinical in my descriptions as well. Helps me feel in control of myself even if I’m not… Keeps me thinking and not feeling… I always get belittled for being sensitive… I think this is a way to be different… subconsciously.

I think about the why everyday. I have solid reasons. The how has eluded me. I can’t figure out a solid way to do it successfully. I read and have ideas… they are either unrealistic, unreliable, unattainable. Same goes with life I guess. I take shitty care of myself…hoping that will work soon. probably not.

I think I’m going to do it finally. I think I’m done.

Get out.

What you guys think about me, each other, and this site. Care to share?

I’m in a lot of pain. I’m very tired and confused. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow.