I’m really drunk righ now.
It’s been a while…
I have no much to say actually but, I’m still here, sadly. My last post was supposed to be my farewell post, but just like real life, nothing works as planned for me. I’m the same, but older. A looser, a drunk, a loner. A sick. Nothing really changes if you just watch the time fly. There’s no miracle and no mercy in this world. If you’re born a loser, you gonna die a loser – sooner or (like me) later.
I’ts nice to see this site is still up, and some folks are still around […]
I feel like I lost my last fear.
So… quarantine huh? Welcome to my FUCKING world. LOL.
I’m tired of all this drinking, and the hangover and the bullshit. This is my last post. I’m done. People… they just don’t worth the pain. Any of them!
I hope this new virus to fucking ravage the world. 1 billion deaths would be great.
I accept my days to be bad, some of them very bad. I’m ok with it, thats my reality. So there is not a single fucking day, that I can sit in a chair at the end of the day and say: hey, today was alright. I know things would come to this point, being who I am and the choices I made.
But today… fuck me! Everything I’ve said and done went wrong. Even things I just thought had make me feel like a piece of shit. Every single minute of this day was awful and unreal. It was not the usual bad, it was […]
Four fucking attempts in three fucking years. That was something!! Now what? The old me is just a pathetic alcoholic, with zero real attempts in ten years, wishing to eventually get sick and die. I truly hate myself.
Yes, I’m sick. No, I don’t care.
I don’t always remember my dreams. When I do, they are always pleasant. Isn’t that weird? People living in shit should only have nightmares I guess…. But there my problems are finally solved, I’m happy, my family is still around me, my old friends are still my friends… and I’m never drunk and sick. Sometimes I’m even crying in relief the bad days are gone. And then, I wake up. Reality is… no words can say enough. My life’s collapsing and my dreams are just unreachable.
I don’t know if this is a side effect of the late alcoholism stages, but I just can’t stand people anymore. I mean anyone, anytime, anywhere. I just want to “live” my stupid life alone. When I was younger I felt the opposite. I had friends, a rather normal social life, and could easily bear a small talk. I am well aware I’m not special at all (ha-ha) but people in general are just a stupid, egocentric, uninteresting pile of SHIT – and they don’t seem to have a clue! Even the most mundane social interactions are painful and make me wanna drink a lot.
I was right, who knew?
I just have nothing left to say, I just hate myself.
I’m insignificant and so is my pain. In the worst case scenario is still have 40 years or so to go, but thats it. Untill then I’ll drink up. I’ve been sick for so long I can’t even remember what its like to be fine.
I mean… think about the whole huge universe. Do you really think you’re somehow special or needed? 50 or so years from now and nobody will ever know you existed. Don’t wanna let anybody down, but you’re not important at all. All your pain, loneliness, failures, all you been through don’t mean anything to anybody but yourself. A guy called John Smith killed himself in 1965. Who fucking cares? I’m pretty sure the world got over it by now. As for me, the only thing that still keeps me alive is my cowardice. The meaning of life is bullshit.