I want to disappear into nothingness. To simply disappear without going to an alternate universe or my energy being transformed to another energy. I want to simply disappear fully, not in an almost way ;where I end up in hospital and I’m questioned (why or how) ; just a definite disappearance. No goodbyes No Explanations.
The world breaks you: they say it makes you stronger
But I just realised we are just broke pieces and the only reason we’re stronger is because you cannot break the broken.
There is a part of me that feels numb; not dead . And I don’t know if that’s any better, because numbness can be beaten by an awakening right?
But then I think of funerals and how the dead are described as their own habits, how every speech is the same and I wonder if that person in the grave was once numb too. That life had finally brought them to their knees […]
Depression.
I don’t use that word a lot and it is ironic because it describes my whole being. I still deny it now because of the train of words that it Carries in society [Attention seeker; influenced; unappreciative; ill]
I’d like to think none of the words describe my state rn. I don’t think anything describes my state. I’m utterly numb; I don’t choose to be sad but I plainly am. I know I’m sad because nothing excite me anymore; everything just seems to be a passer of time. I do my best to make people believe I’m okay; because I don’t want any attention. Everything […]
I just registered here because I read that this place is sort of “mystical” and I guess a part of me is trying to cling on to any hope that keeps me from wanting to actually act on my suicidal thoughts.
Then I realized that suicide isn’t “mystical” and the people who are/were suicidal know that isn’t the best word to describe it. Suicide isn’t beautiful or interesting; its destructive /repulsive and deserves no respect whatsoever. Feeling like ending your life isn’t poetic .
I don’t know why I actually signed up here; I don’t know if it’ll help, but I do know that I need saving […]