I cut my stomach up today. I don’t ever count my cuts or burns but I know there’s close too a hundred. If I don’t cut I get irritable. My skin crawls. Sometimes I can go without cutting for a few weeks! It’s Rare but it’s happened! I was doing really well until today. I got very depressed because I broke up with my boyfriend and I just thought about how meaningless my life is, basically. Everything is better now but the cuts are still there.
I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
I hate being in love. It makes me very depressed. I become bitter towards my partners. I just want to end it all. I can’t be with them because I hate them sometimes, and I can’t be without them because I’m miserable. I just want to die -_- I have nothing. I have no job, no money, no father. I miss my home, england, I hate where I live, Canada, I’m nobody.