For so long i fooled myself to hope that life would be better and that life would reward me for being fair, kind and giving. I gave everything i had onto fixing my “family” but what i actually did was destroy my family. I invited him to be a part of my family with the hopes that i could help him… That i could fix him. But i cant. You cant be good enough for a user. To them you are just a prey to steal from to use and abuse. You cant give enough and you would still be bad coz they will suck […]
I should have given up a long time ago… and each day that i live… I regret not leaving the last time. I just give up… There is NO HOPE!!! Nothing would change!!!! I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO STOP!
I always thought that the majority of my reasons is because of me… How broken and misserable i am… But now i realize… You are the reason why im completely broken and why im misserable…. Coz you’re a parasite… You suck me dry of my ambitions… How could i have energy to make my life better when each day you fill me with hate anger and resentments. I spend soooo much time with self pitty and crying. I spend so much energy pretending to be happy… And you know what… I cant pretend anymore… You wonder why i nag??? Well maybe coz the things you […]
Nobody knows what kind of hell i live in! People think im happy and ok… But im not! And so long as im in this hell… I will never be ok. Im sick and tired of crying… I just want it all to stop. I cant take anymore…
Nothing will change… No matter how hard i hope… No matter what i do… Nothing changes. And i cant take this anymore!!!!!
The only reason why im staying is my 8 year old daughter… Im scared of scarring her for life. She is the only one who loves me.
Im doing my best not to cut. Been clean for years.. But i know that the sight of blood would calm me down…
I feel as if there is so much hate and anger inside me that i need to release some of the pressure.
I cant cut… Not because i want to live.
I cant cut coz im saving all my strength for aug 23.
I gave myself a chance and delayed it for as long as i could… Thats going to be my final day.
It does not matter…
… What i say
… What i do
… How hard i try
… How much i beg
I cant change a person.
We are who we want to be.
I cant live like this anymore…
I dont want to live like this anymore.
Im not crazy…
Im just really tired of hurting…
Im just really tired of fighting for nothing.
Forcing my self to sleep… Hope sleep finds me and never leaves… I havent even slept… And yet… im already dreading to wake up… Maybe tonight would be special… If im lucky… I dont have to go through another day pretending to live.
I am perfectly happy… Then my eyes open and im back here where i dont belong… Back here where i am helpless and hopeless… Its such a cruel world… No i have to go on auto-pilot… And pretend to belong.
I just dont see the point of why i should continue strugling to survive. It’s as if im surviving to endure more pain. I just dont want to hurt anymore… Cry myself to sleep… Beg for love and attention… Feel fear… I feel sooo empty. I just wanna go.