The last two years permanently damaged my life.
The events of the last two years took away any chance I would’ve had.
I should’ve died years ago, swept into the sea.
Should’ve floated away into the sea.
Disappear
Should’ve happened a long time ago but it didn’t.
Should’ve happened but it didn’t.
It will happen,
Eventually.
How much longer do you hold on knowing you will fail miserably?
Life will get even worse in a couple more years.
It will have to happen,
Eventually.
A vicious circle my life will always be.
I’ve always coped in the only way I know, it hurts me and creates even more darkness.
The small glimmer of hope came and passed; false and pretend, that’s all it ever was.
A vicious circle my life will always be.
In a week’s time, I will be nothing once again.
There is no future for someone with such deep struggles.
I held on for no reason; I will never get better.
I know.
Hope begins to fade as easily as it came.
Soon, I will be nothing again. I will be made to be nothing. I am nothing.
Such incredible sadness never truly fades. There are sorrows, only I know.
Those memories of him, has begun to fade into grey.
He once held my hand in his.
Everyone tells me that I had no choice, and that it wasn’t my fault. They said I did a lot more than what most would do. But I don’t feel that way, because I took her there. I am fully responsible for her death. I am to blame. It was my fault. I was supposed to take care of her, but instead, I sent her away. She died because of me.
It was horrible and heartbreaking why they decided to put her down. It shattered me.
I was going back for her, I couldn’t stand it that she was there. I was waiting for […]
Would be nice to be dead.
And I hope that it will happen soon.
I never really had a chance to regain my life.
Once you’ve been down, you stay down.
Some make it back up, some just don’t.
I’ve been struggling for the last two years to regain pieces of me that were. But no such luck.
Hurting myself in the ways I do is the only way I know how.
Nothing to look forward to.
Nothing to keep me strong.
~
She died alone, her last few days on earth
caged. Knowing this, my heart breaks.
~
The stars were never meant for me to see.
Just a shit hole, that is what will always be.
~
Many, many times I passed up security for true love, because I wanted love that was passionate and consuming. It has been almost two years, and only within this past month, I begun to heal in some way from him.
~
She died lost and scared, thrown away. Her body tossed into the incinerator.
Knowing this, my heart cannot bear.
I […]
You were vulnerable and I left you.
I felt I had no choice.
Nonetheless, I threw you away.
You needed me to take care of you,
I did not value your life.
I do now, so very very much.
My deepest, deepest sorries.
I am hurting so much.
But you, you paid for my incompetence with your life.
I prayed for you the night before they took your life.
I didn’t know it would happen that way, that day, I would’ve came for you. I would’ve ran to you.
Please believe me.
God did not answer my prayers that night.
God has never answered […]