boskobay

I have yet to become comfortable with this “Mistake” I call my life. Most days I don’t even feel anything and have become so comfortably numb. Life has become a burden to me that brings me no Joy in any way. It’s not that the intensity of my inner grief has decreased in any way, I have just become accustomed to the pain and so I eventually gained the ability to mask it so well that I even fool myself sometimes.There are moments in time and days in this life of mine that have become unbearable and I can’t subdue my thoughts and emotions inside. […]

So many levels to my pain, so many demons that still remain at the end of every day. Some days I wake up and want just run away from everyone and everything. Other days I want to stay and fight and maybe have a chance to finally play this hand of life that was dealt to me, with confidence once more in life. I need a win in life more now than I need forgiveness for my sins in life. I draw the line in the sands of time only to find im already on the other side. Already outta time to change the […]

I’ve been struggling as if recent times. In reality I’ve been struggling for years, I’m just finally at another breaking point in my life. I wake up everyday trying to find a reason to live and carry on. It’s the most exhausting feeling when a part of yourself just wants to die, yet a part of you is trying to hold on for dear life. It’s the most tiring and undesirable way to constantly feel. I’m taking matters into my own hands and I’m not sorry, because it’s my choice and no one else’s. This is my choice and it’s become the only remedy for […]

Well I’m not going to get into the whole debate about our purpose in life or why we’re here.

But let’s say you buy a car and the purpose of that car is to transport you around. Well each car is different depending on how hard it is driven and the amount of wear and tear. Let’s say this car you bought after being driven hard, breaks down. You fix it it works for a bit until it breaks down again. Eventually it’s no longer a reliable drivable car. Did your car serve its purpose? Do you keep driving a car that’s barely functioning?

Maybe our bodies […]

Is the end near?!?!? Are we there yet?!?!? Simply put, I have let go of all my worldly “Fears“. I feel as though I’m out of time and I’ve fallen far behind.

I no longer have the will to live nor the strength to carry on. I’m constantly haunted by my failures and I’m consumed by my endless self-hatred. Even the brightest days seem to feel dark to me and I have become comfortably numb.

My laughter and even my smiles are short-lived and the only constant is the misery that defines me now. I’m lost in a whirlwind and can no longer differentiate this reality from my dreams.

I […]