I just me Bae…
Hello,
I Haven’t been on here lately as I have been trying to be a productive member of society again. It hasn’t been easy nor has it really made me feel any better about myself or about my life. I just ended up doing the same thing I did prior in life, I just bottled up my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Then I carried on as usual until I couldn’t anymore, the feelings, emotions, and thoughts becoming unbearable again. I have realized that I do have support from God and “His Universe”. This “Faith” has gotten me further than I could have ever expected. Yet when I struggle and fail, I feel even more shame for letting God down. I truly feel unworthy of his love and blessings. I have been trying my best to be a better person and to heal, but when I fail or make bad choices it just adds to my plate of “Regrets”. I feel so tired of these negative feelings, emotions, and thoughts controlling my life. I’m trying to heal from a lifetime of suffering and I know its gonna take time….. I hope I can hold on till than…. I have so much in this Life to be thankful for, yet feel so empty and alone.
-Mr. Bae
6 comments
Forgive me for offering my limited perspective–I grew up Christian, and when you speak of God, I’m not sure which religion or perspective you subscribe to. This being said, the Abrahamic God is one of Love. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God. Whoever loves is born of God, and knows God. Whoever does not not does not know God, because God IS Love.” Even when you fail, you are worthy of love, because it is the nature of love–and therefore the nature of God–to be unconditional and forgiving. Love knows there will be mistakes and failures. Love is Love anyway, and God is Love anyway.
I hope this helps somehow. Ive had hope in faith before too, but have lost my faith since that time.
Couldn’t agree with this more!!
Well said Plainwhite
i do pray your heart rediscovers its comfort & solace in faith
once again
All the Best<3
Farah, I appreciate your words and prayers. I hope your well and I will also pray for you.
Namaste <3
Plainwhite, I appreciate your words. I do understand that God’s is Love. I just don’t have the same love for myself and that I guess is the real issue.
Can I ask why you lost your faith?
Two quick words for now [based on my own faith [i’m Muslim, so i believe in God too & relate a lot to what You wrote : ) ] ]:
1}
that same faith that gives You the drive to keep going
has to be the same source from which You derive ‘self-forgiveness’
because God Himself is the Most Merciful & Most Forgiving
it weighs very little to God that You fail [or even succeed]
what weighs the Most is that You *Try Your Absolute Best*,
& that ‘Best’ takes into account *your* very specific ‘Capabilities & Limitations’ for each specific situation\challenge\battle
that’s All what ‘Really’ matters to God
that we Try Our Best
succeeding or failing are merely ‘word-ly results’, they’re our own measure of how well we tried, but it’s not always an accurate one
: )
—
2}
if You could *truly* believe & see
that God Himself
with All His Might
& All His Justice
& All His Mercy
is *your* very own
*Constant Companion* in this journey
That He *really is*
*With You* [in the Literal Sense] ALWAYS
then believe me believe me believe me
You could be gone adrift in the middle of an Ocean
with absolutely Nothing & No One
& You still
still
wouldn’t feel alone
just Trust that He’s right there, watching & hearing everything
& hearing You
talk to Him like You’d talk to a friend that’s right there with You in the room or walking right beside You
Believe me He’ll listen
& sometimes
He might even answer
but keep in mind that the main point of this test we’re in
that it’s ‘Us’ who solve its problems
& overcome its challenges
He can & will & does intervene
but You have to think of this as the exception not the rule
the rule is
You’re the Soldier
This is Your Battle
Your Battlefield
He
is your commanding officer [so to speak],
the ‘Head Quarters’ with whom You’re constantly connected,
to whom You’re constantly reporting your status & your progress in the missions & battles that You purse or that come up your way,
& from whom You get the guidelines & regulations, could ask for advice, & occasionally, backup [psychological or physical]
Briefing’s over, for now
God Speed Lieutenant!
: D
Farah,
First of all, Thank You! You have commented on my posts previously and if I’m not mistaken the first time was many years ago. I value your words and your voice… I’m not sure why you are here in this forum, I couldn’t find any original posts by you. It seems your mostly just here to do God’s work, If anyone is a solider of God it is You. I see you and see your work and want to acknowledge your actions.
I do post on here, but I also come here to just read peoples posts so I can comment and let them know that their words aren’t falling on deaf ears. I see you also do this and for that I truly admire you. Your words and advise make me assume you have great intuition and wisdom. Your comments to my posts have always brought me comfort as I’m sure it does for others as well. “al-hamdu lillah, Tawfiq al-kher”
Your comment was very very very needed and on point in so many ways. Like you knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Truly a Blessing.
You are right about God’s love and compassion and how forgiving he can be as long as we always “Try our Best” and stay in constant communication with him. That is what matters most and you reminded me and reinforced what I already knew… Sometimes we need reminders of what “Faith in God” really means. Its a reminder also that I need to work on my faith and fellowship.
I believe you x3
I am only Human and do forget, that its in our nature to stumble and that he knows all and knows what is in our heart as he truly is always with us we just have to have faith in him and stay in constant communication with him no matter what..
Its ironic that you choose to call me a Solider as I literally was a Solider for over a decade. I also refer to myself as a spiritual Solider quite often. Again you are on point This is my Battle and the World is my Battlefield. HoooRah!!!
Thanks for the Briefing, Ma’am its been a long time since I had one and it was truly needed and overdue.
I look forward to your next briefing…..
Allah ysalmak!
SSgt Bae