Lou Tzu once said
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace then you are living in the present”.
But what he didn’t realize is that I may not be anxious, but I am at peace. I am at peace with my depression, my insecurities, my scars, my imperfections, and my horrible thoughts. I may not be living in the present, past, or future, but I am living, and that is all that is important.
When I observe sites such as these, I can’t help but feel the pain worsen.
The pain consumes me on a daily basis. It controls my every move and creates ache throughout my empty frame. This hell to which I am trapped has become so familiar. And the bright future talked of every day, makes no sense to my clouded mind. I am most thankful of the smiles I fake throughout the day, misleading everyone who glances upon my face. This terrible reality to which I face is the most unbearable thing imaginable.
So when I am confronted with sites like […]
Last night, or this morning, I did it again.
I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where I’ve been.
I take a disposable razor, and work to get out the blade.
I let it curse my mind, and I let my sweet smile fade.
I take off all loose ends, and make the blade accessible.
Knowing what comes soon, what will become unforgettable.
It’s been a while since the last, will it hurt more?
Will I be able to stand up tall, or crying on the floor.
Does it bother you to know I’m not as perfect as I seem?
Is it troubling to wish that I could escape inside a dream?
As […]
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