Author

cleco

I feel like I got confirmation today that I just don’t belong. I knew there was something wrong with me. Some hideous abnormality lurking beneath the surface. I wanted to wring the entire world in my hands – twist the planet round and round until all the pain and injustice leaked from it. I wanted to cleanse my soul of the mental torture I had allowed myself to both mete out and endure. I am my own prisoner – a hostage of a world I created to escape the hand I’ve been dealt.

I have grown up watching the world go by – observing others find […]

1/27/2016 2 comments

Echoes

by cleco 11/20/2015

written by cleco

There is only emptiness today. I am not angry or sad, happy or even bored. At 2:17p.m. I realized I had been staring out the window for almost 4 hours. Where had the time gone? I couldn’t even tell you what I had been watching for so long. Were there people walking by? Was it raining out? My mind felt like it had been excavated. Everything of value, even the darkness I clung to – gone, all gone. Was this what death was? Only relics remain, echoes of a person that is trapped deep within me. There are hints all around me. My hands, they are stained with blue […]

11/20/2015 2 comments

A Voice in the Dark

by cleco 11/16/2015

written by cleco

I have finally found meaning in life – albeit a small and obscure pursuit. I understand now that my voice, as deeply cynical as it is, deserves to be heard. Perhaps, needs to be heard. When I speak the way I do, it is because it comes from a place that is dark yes, but crude and unadulterated. It is the simple, unprocessed thoughts that run through my head on an hourly basis. They stem from a gloom that has settled over my life like a dense and poisonous fog. And yet, the skies have cleared in many ways – I see things and people […]

11/16/2015 2 comments

Hopeless

by cleco 2/1/2014

written by cleco

Its been a really long time since I posted here. I thought, maybe I was getting better or stronger, but I was kidding myself, pretending to be happy in case the semblance eventually turned into something real. I try to be rational and tell myself I am not worthless, I am not ugly, I am not stupid, and I actually believe myself for a fraction of time. Then I go outside and try to interact with people and am reminded of how I have nothing to offer anyone. What am I missing that makes someone appealing to another human being? How did I get to […]

2/1/2014 21 comments

cleco

cleco

Belonging

Echoes

A Voice in the Dark

Hopeless