mine seems more like a slow growing cancerous tumor.
or a chronic disease.
sometimes the symptoms go away for a while.
but they always come back.
always.
15 years and counting…
i recently bought a hand-gun for target-shooting and home protection.
in a semi-long period of remission.
if the symptoms ever come back hard-core, i now have really easy means.
i probably signed my death warrant with that purchase.
It’s been 13 years since I was betrayed. Still not over it. Never will be. My best friend died a few weeks ago. I wish it had been me instead. I hate life.
… and I am still here.
… and I still don’t want to be.
… alive that is.
… if only i had guts.
… this would all be over.
but i dont know how.
cant bring myself to figure it out.
my total lack of motivation knows no bounds.
sit here. sit here. sit here.
A song i can relate to….
I think it’s time that I got off the kitchen floor
But is there really any point at all?
Waking up this morning felt the same
Better sleep while life is so mundane
It could have been yesterday that I locked the door
I blocked the windows up so I can’t be sure
Now I haven’t even got the will to eat
I’m lame and self-obsessed, that I will concede
I’d like to light a cigarette but I cannot
The lighter’s dead and the gas has been cut off
I’m the one you always seem to read about
The fire inside my eyes […]
Not sure how to go back.
To the time and place of contentment.
Always looking forward to something.
Sanguine.
Fastforward. Decades pass.
Alone and disconnected.
Betrayed by God
Not having the common decency to exist.
Just as well. Turns out, he’s a dick.
Betrayed by life partner.
A wound that will never heal.
Powerless to trust or forgive.
The cyclops has no will to live.
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