im so far from okay. i know i havent been on in what seems like forever.
wishing i was dead, but im not unfortunately. hopefully soon it will come. i dont know how or when. but soon. i cant keep hurting people. maybe itll be tonight. not too sure.
i dont even know why im still typing, i guess i just want someone who gets it.
so its decided, im going to fuck a whole bunch of people, cut up my entire body and kill myself.
best thing ive thought of..
my arm as of tonight. great.
i just want to end it all. i just want to cry and cut and bleed until there’s nothing left in me.
done so fucking done.
i hope i cut to deep soon.
just want to die.
planning my suicide.
goodbyes will be soon.
shes lying i know she is. shes so pathetic. i fucking cant stand it much longer..
OH MY GOD. now i know why i love her. she is perfect in every way. there is no one else i could ever see myself spending the rest of my life with. beyond happy.
ive gotten to fat and i need to stop eating.
school starts in a week and i need to look pretty, skinny.
water, tea, diet coke and cigarettes for the rest of the week
oh and if i eat anything it NEEDS to be purged.
my life as i know it is going to shit. i have no one to trust, no one to turn to. even when i want help i never get it. my meds dont do anything for me. i can help but cut every day. i binge and purge almost ever meal, that is when i decide to eat. i dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to suffer everyday. i dont want to wake up and dread being alive. my lungs ache with every breath i take. why. just why am i here?
i dont know what im doing or where im going.. i have nobody. im alone. it doesnt matter if im in a room full of people.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck i want to die. ive been sitting at the train station all night. all i wanted to do was lay on the tracks. my one true love texted me out of the blue. what the hell why, why tonight? i was going to do it tonight and she stopped me. fuck.
i fucking hate my mind. it plays such horrible games with me. i cant stop thinking about the beatings i would get from my mom. and each one is more vivid than the last. looks like im going to wind up cutting..again. such a fucking failure.
so i dont know why i put myself through all this bullshit. well i got a job..yay:/ i made my parents happy and i guess its good because that means extra money in my pocket for razors, diet pills and cigs. maybe its what i need. i was with her all day..im just going to call her T but thats beside the fact. im seeing my ex boyfriend who im still madly in love with and i just could date him because i know how fucked up i am and i never want to hurt him and i just want him to be happy. but […]
i cant fucking stand her. i dont understand why im still with her. this isnt okay. i need to be alone. she makes me want to die, but i cant seem to let go of her. i just want to die and i just want to tell her to shut the fuck up. i cant handle this anymore. i need to stop being nice.
someone in my town got hit by a car tonight, the only thing is..i wish that it was me. i need to be done. my life needs to be over. im getting fucked up every night. drinking till i black out and getting so high i cant see. this isnt how i was suppose to go. maybe ill just overdose soon and it will just look like an accident.
hi um. my names really n0t important. im a suicidal teen who’s lost in a place call society and im trying to learn from what has happened to me. life has not been so easy for me and i dont think it ever will be. i have a blog but i cant really post personal things there because i know my girlfriend looks at it and i know want her to realize whats really going on in my head. so i guess im just trying to make sense of whats going on and this is where im choosing to do it.
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