i hold the blade
It casts a shade
Over my life
That is filled with so much strife
all those tests
With red X’s through them
Life is just a test
And I’m just putting a red x
through mine
Right on my wrist
The blade is so much more powerful than
the pen
2 roads diverged in a road
And
I sat down
And
Made streams of blood
Flowing from my throbbing wrist
The rivers turned the dusty roads
To muddy roads
I started to sink
Into the bloody mud
I haven’t been able to come out
And I’m starting
To drown
i didn’t know what love was
I thought it was
Bared breasts
And
Sweat
I just wanted love
So
I didn’t cover myself
I pretended I was asleep
Then I found out
That sex is not love
I’m ashamed
of what my ignorance led to
It led to me
Being dirtied
he touched me
His fingers
His mouth
His legs
He touched me
He made me dirty
The dirt won’t come off
I’ve tried soap
I’ve tried water
I’ve tried blood
His eyes follow me
Watching for
A curve of my figure
A flash of skin
Is it my fault?
When I pick up the phone
When I want to tell you
When I can’t stop cutting
When I’m holding the blade
If you can’t hear
the scars on my wrist
Then how could you hear
the telephone ring?
every night the tears would come
Then
I stopped
I stopped my feelings
I couldn’t laugh
I couldn’t cry
I couldn’t smile
I couldn’t
And now I want to
I want to cry, smile and laugh
But I can’t
Because I’ve forgotten