i didn’t know what love was
I thought it was
Bared breasts
And
Sweat
I just wanted love
So
I didn’t cover myself
I pretended I was asleep
Then I found out
That sex is not love
I’m ashamed
of what my ignorance led to
It led to me
Being dirtied
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22 comments
Don’t beat yourself up so much, okay? You’re going to be fine. It’s okay to feel ashamed at first. I understand how sometimes the past can bury itself under your skin like an unwanted scarab, and even though nobody sees it, it is still there, crawling and scraping under your skin. But the past is the past. You cannot possibly change what happened, and that’s okay. There’s not much use sweating it… after all, if you look at a timeline of the universe, see how little mankind is as a whole, then consider that you’re one in 7 billion of us, you really can’t blame yourself for making a mistake. And you’re not dirty at all; if anything, you better understand that sex is not everything. You have simply had to go through unconventional methods to learn this, which is not a problem. 🙂
Always logical aren’t you?-except I became a mistake
…I don’t think you became a mistake, because that implies your worth hinges on your sexuality, which is not true.
I do believe that your perception of yourself might be distorted, which I admit I am guilty of as well. When I look in the mirror, I am revolted that something so pathetic and worthless could continue to drain this planet’s resources. But judging by your kind words, it would seem you don’t see me that way; so maybe you’re not a mistake after all. I do understand though, if you feel that way, I know how hard that can be sometimes.
No I don’t see u that way but I do see myself that way -I’m disgusted with myself
Well if you need to talk about it you can always email my dump gmail. I guess self-disgust is something that doesn’t really go away, but can be manageable. For example, the voice in my head is telling me right now to kill myself when everyone else is asleep, but I can choose whether or not to listen to it, regardless of how saccharine and alluring it sounds. Also take what I say with a grain of salt, I’m still teetering between hope and despair, so forgive me for rants/textwalls haha.
“became” a mistake? What’s that mean?
I’m not sure exactly how to explain it but he made me dirty-I shrink every time I walk past him-I just feel so dirty like a mistake
Oh I see. Well this really doesn’t sound like your fault at all.
Then why did it happen
I dunno, you’re leaving some details out (which is understandable), but making a mistake and being a mistake are two different things.
I see you have another similar post I’ll read that one too.
I am thinking the other post refers to a different incident? Because this post implies sex, while if you comb through the comments on the other post you will see that sex was not the case in question with the other post.
I meant sex as like a general over all statement but there were 2 different occasions by different people
Read the comments on the other one I wrote-it explains a few things
Well I’m sorry you’re going through this. My wife went through something similar, her brother was older. She told me when she’d hear the front door when he got home from school she would run out the back door but she couldn’t always get away from him. It is a messed up thing to deal with.
Wow that’s really great-that she told u I mean, that she could tell u-I haven’t told and don’t imagine I’ll ever will be able to
I read this comment then “The Sound of Silence” played on Spotify. Dammit Spotify, your timing could not possibly trigger any more feelings. We’re not making curry here Spotify, stop cutting the onions dammit… ;-;
She told me decades after, I didn’t know her back then. I still wanted to kill him next time I saw him but she asked me to drop it because it was a long time ago and they seem to have made peace.
Still that’s really awesome that she can tell-it takes a lot of courage and trust in someone to do that -not to call ur wife a liar but I sing know how they could ” make peace”
No, it still bothers her. I just mean that she can be in the same room with him now, and have a normal conversation with him. There’s a sort of…. I dunno, tolerance? She didn’t want me to rip old wounds open I guess. Maybe peace was the wrong word. Also she said it stopped when he got a girlfriend.
Oh ok yeah I get wat u mean
You know what…I bet my ex bf believes that sex was what made our relationship. But that’d be just one of the great misconceptions of our relationship. Shame really cuz actually whilst sex was great I’m not sitting here missing that…I missing HIM.