In a few days I’ll get paid and have gun money. Ive chickened out before so no guarantees but the plan is to get a gun on my way home from work. Wait until later that night go to the bridge and shoot myself in a way that i fall off of it after. It’ll all be over all this bs that life. It finally ends. All the anger regret and failure ends. My biggest regret is not killing myself sooner. All i would have missed out on is pain.
How dare i be born. How dare i care about anything. How dare i be born with traits of autism and be socially awkward. How dare i be depressed. How dare i have a life not worth living. How dare i not be narcissistic and sociapathic and ‘charming’. How dare i not be attractive. How dare i keep to myself. How dare i be poor. How dare i not be confident and charismatic. How dare i be miserable in one of the most mentally challenging times in human history. How dare i be boring or nice. How dare i not have edge. How dare i […]
It just hit me i have an opportunity. Im going to try because fuck it why not and sorry for posting back to back. I could have edited my original post. However im just going to post my plans. I’m about to go to the gym. Come back and when my mom is sleep hang myself in the bathroom. My little sister who has the closest room to the hallway bathroom wont be home. The inevitable involuntary struggle from a successful hanging wont be audible to my mom. Also, as sad as it is i dont really care how it may effect her. I’ll lock […]
I don’t know when but sometime soon i will end it all. Im hoping for an opportunity sooner rather than later. Even still the wait is awful. I wish hanging would have worked but it doesn’t. I can’t wait to not be bombarded by life with all the ways I am too insignificant or incompetent. I can’t way for the peace and embrace of death. I’ve learned from countless failed and aborted attempts that you cant bank on death(give up on everything until you die) I’m comfortable with the decision to die. There is nothing else to do on this planet that i will actually […]
We have a family reunion next weekend. I get to see a bunch of relatives ive never met before. No one wants to go though. If we don’t I’ll have gun money and be able to end it all. If we do I’ll have to wait another 2 weeks. Maybe this pain will end sooner than i think. U sure hope so. I dont want to wake up anymore
People say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem? Is it because they had a bad week and got over it? Did they miss out on their whole life because of their own depression? Did they have an abusive childhood? Did the spend their wntire lices depressed and alone unable to connect with any human being on the planet? Are they too ugly to be cared about? Are they unable to function in any meaningful way? Are they completely separate from modern society? Can they go a whole day with out having uncontrollable anger and self loathin and hatred triggered by everything? The […]
Financially i cant afford a viable method for another month. I may try hanging but i have no hope for that. I guess if there is a forum that i dont have to see other peoples stories as some of you have problems i would die for. It’s bad to say but true.
It’s terrible. There is a huge difference in being and feeling a certain way. When you feel ugly people compliment you and you don’t believe them. When you are ugly there are no other people at all. When you feel irrelevant your friends dont communicate with you or always include you. When you are irrelevant there are no other people at all. When you feel ugly you wonder what anyone sees in you. When you are ugly there no other people at all. I’m tired of being ugly and being teirrelevant and being inconsequential to existing. I can’t fathom how crazy the world is and […]
There are people in the house but i may still try to hang myself. Im trying to think of a place to do it in this house. I hit someone’s car earlier and i dont even know how the insurance situation will work. My car isn’t even technically registered properly and i share insurance with my family. Im beyond sick of being alive. This is a final straw sort of thing. Today has been hopeless and pointless. I can’t get out of my own way and im tired of living. Studying the coroner reports it takes about 15 minutes
Edit: the 2 best places are […]
Im overweight and currently using a deadly fat burner (not at the doses im running but i digress) Im actually using quite a few(some legal some not) and ive noticed on one of the herbs my heart rate climbs dramatically especially during exercise. The plan is to go as hard as I can in hopes that I’ll give myself a heart attack. If i fail at least I’ll be less repulsive.
Instead of hijacking a post I’ll just start my own. I live with my mom and little sister in Charlotte NC a city i have only been in for 2 1/2 months. I am socially dormant by nature. Though fear plays a part lack of knowledge plays a bigger one. How does someone put themselves out there. I missed something in social development clearly. I dont know how to make friends. I made very few friends in school and its years later. I want to find a girlfriend if i am going to be here. The generic phrase to answer this is to put yourself […]
My sister had a positive thing happen so i dont want to rain on her parade by becoming a corpse. Idk how long it’ll last though…..I cant deal with being alive. I wish every moment of every day didn’t have infinite reminders to how alone and undesirable and depressed i am. I have only made 2 friends since leaving high school over 10 years ago. Both met through friends i knew in high school. Ive been so severely alone for so long i dont want to live. Ive been in Charlotte for a few months and i doubt I’ll ever find another friend let alone […]
I scouted out the bridge near my house. I wouldn’t use it stand alone as it isnt high enough but with a bullet in my head as I hit the water it’ll do. Lets hope i do it and end this madness that is life.
I found and have posted this video before. Its helpful but its missing something . Gender specific issues. Being ugly is just different for each gender. So often looking for advice becomes either a) A gender pissing match on which gender has it worse when less then asthetic. B) ugly guys git gurls all the time be more confident Or 2) Man up bro go to the bar and get a thot git moor sweg bro. (I dont even drink) . Neither of these are helpful. Its not just being perpetually dateless. Its the constant cultural reminders of it and how it makes me abnormal. […]
I don’t feel like moving. I don’t feel like breathing. I don’t feel like posting. I feel like dying. Im so tired of living. Im going to kill myself hopefully this coming weekend. I know from past attempts that suicide plans are hard to execute. I hope i finally find peace. The empty peace of death. I hate this all too familiar feeling of absolute despair.
It wasn’t that bad it never really is. I never gash myself like i want to. I want to die right now I can’t sleep im mid breakdown. I don’t know how to end it. I don’t know how to end me. I have no means to control or distract from how suicidal I feel right now. I’m incredibly sorry for posting so much. I can’t help it. I’m suicidal with no means to leave and no one to talk to and im 22+years into being suicidal nearly 30 years into living. There is no hope there is nothing to look forward to except more […]
The bitter loneliness and anger of ugliness. I makes me insane. I hate hearing about people’s relationships good or bad. Especially bad. I hate being permanently friendless and alone. I hate working yet another job that makes me miserable. I hate that i was born. I hate i can’t just die now and end it all. I hate that i hate so much and am so hopeless. I hate all the reminders of the fact that i live in a world of misery by myself and always have and always will. I hope i will be able to get a gun soon. I hope that […]
At some point im going to get a gun in the near future. I live with family now so i dont need every dollar anymore. Im at the gym now with motivation what so ever. I may very well leave despite just getting here. I can go home cut myself and chill. I used to have the position that a gun purchase would dent my finances so much so that it would nearly necessitate an immidiate attempt. Now i can get a gun and kill myself at my leisure. I also have a bridge to jump off of while doing it to guarantee death. One […]
Guns are scary. Ive held one to my own head before. I was scared to fuck it up. If i shoot myself then fall off that bridge it’ll all be over. Even if the shot is not perfect I’ll be dead because I’ll drown. The pain will be over. The depression will end. I won’t have to suffer anymore. 20 + years of meaningless existence over. The pain will end. I wish I had the balls to get one. Depending on the amount of suffering i deal with that could change. Im just tired of breathing. Im tired of typing that sentence. I’m tired […]
Working out has sucked balls this week. Its likely the poisonous fat burner building up in my system sapping my energy. Im tired and depressed all the time as is. I’m not going to stop as long as it works. Im tired of life in general though. Idek what to do. Tomorrow I’m going to scout a bridge to see if it is big enough to die from. Looking at pictures it doesn’t look it but its worth a look. Im trying to figure out additional help in finishing myself off. Even if I don’t do it immediately its good to have in my back […]