Alright its been super super long since I’ve been on here and I want to catch up and ask you guys a few questions on what blogging site you guys prefer if you guys do blog? I have millions of things that have still happened over the course of the years and I just need to get them out but not to a therapist who will throw me into a institution before I’m half way through.. I want to continue on here but I also want to start up a new place for me to be able to restart and share my story with […]
Really feeling the urge to burn my shoulder with a lighter, past few days have been shit
I am stoned and I feel so good right now, I kinda don’t hate everything so much right now.
Gotta rely on sleeping pills to take me out of reality. Been in a shitty mood since Christmas Eve and can’t seem to shake it off. Repeating one of my mistakes which is not talking about my feelings and letting my bf think “what the fuck is wrong now” but fuck it Monday I’ll be back in Portland at my house and I’ll get fucked up in my room and sleep everything off and probably bring myself some kind of pain.
For the longest time guys have been drawn to me, mostly ones older than me (5+ years older). I’m not meaning to make this sound like I’m stuck up or the most wanted girl, because I’m nowhere close to any of those things. But ever since my rape and molestation (starting when I was 3-4)I have noticed this almost target-like thing about me or that other guys see that draw them to me. I’ve had multiple older guys try touching me when I haven’t even led them on, so, is it bad luck? is this in my head? Or is there something that may be […]
Okay so here’s the thing, those of you who have read my posts before know that I’m against what mankind is making out of our earth and all the new machinery/technology that is being created. I’m a tree huggin-ground loving hippie, if you will. But, the more I’m in the city the more my hatred grows. The more I wish for some miracle to happen where it breaks down and destroys every bridge, building, house, tower anything. I don’t even want to walk outside my door anymore. Fuck I miss the country so bad you have no idea. (Random thing kinda) As I was laying […]
Tonight is going to be hard. I stayed the past two nights at my moms best friends house who is considered my “Aunt” so I call her my aunt and her brother and sister in law came over for the first time in years along with both their sons. Me and her nephew, Brandon used to have a this thing together not a relationship but just a closeness and I haven’t seen him in 3 years. I had 24 hour with him and those 24 hours are going to effect me for the rest of the week and maybe even more. He is the first […]
I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve been avoiding everyone and one person that’s the hardest to avoid is my boyfriend since he lives 1000+ miles away and looks forward to talking to me everyday. Last night I told him everything that was wrong since I’ve been pushing him away for a few days and he wouldn’t let me get away with it. I told him about my excessive drinking, my smoking cigarettes again (I broke my promise to him), me taking pills, cutting myself and not eating. He tried helping me he was so frustrated and just wanted to do what he […]
Almost to day 3 of no eating. Though I may be shaky and dizzy I’m feeling better and better about myself. I can actually say I’m a little happier
I don’t even know what to feel anymore I’m just kind of, numb. I’m pushing everyone away from me and refusing to talk about what’s wrong when I’m asked. Day 1 almost down of no eating, day 2 almost down of another sleepless night. After going a few months without cutting I dug the blade into my thighs yesterday and again today. I layed in the bath and just bled. Like it was the most normal thing in the world, no pain just emptiness. I have an doctors appointment soon and I don’t want them seeing my thighs. I don’t feel a thing but I […]
Its 5 in the morning and my thoughts are wandering. It’s been a couple months since I’ve cut and I’m thinking about how much I miss feeling the freedom once that blade digs into my skin.
I just want to cry. To curl up and cry until I sleep. My depression is kicking in and I don’t want to deal with it. Over the days it will get worse and my imagination will start to take over and become my reality. I don’t want to deal with this.
“Tearing down the rest of the world won’t make you happy. Look inside yourself. Because finding who you were meant to be? What you were put into this world to do? That’s what fills the emptiness. It’s the only things that can.”
Its midnight and I’m sitting outside asking myself “what makes me “beautiful”?” I asked my boyfriend and i will post his response down below along with my opinion on others not myself as examples. So my question for you guys is, what makes someone beautiful in your opinion?
His opinion: “Honestly I can say every physical attribute, you’re fine to a tee, your skin, hair and eyes, lips and nose, body, adorable and majestic is your physical appearance but your attitude and emotions, the way you act in certain situations, that’s a real beauty in itself, you’re so cute on the inside even if you […]
So, as I was sitting here I got to thinking and started going over my habits and addictions and thought I would share. I’m obsessed with chap stick, not eating it but just sitting there and running it over my lips idk why. I ALWAYS pick apart my pizza and hamburgers. 95% of the time I use bowls to eat out of and spoons. (Now some gore ones) *WARNING* ? ? ? I’m obsessed with picking at my scabs and I love the feeling of blood running down my body. I have an addiction to the burning of alcohol and smoke on my throat. I […]
Okay guys I have a confession. I’m addicted to SP! It has been so much more active and so many new stories have been shared even ones that have made me smile and giggle a bit! You guys are bringing me happiness and it’s nice to be able to share these things with you all! I was having a really shitty night/morning but after sitting here and reading comment after comment and story after story my mind hasn’t gone to it’s regular negative state and instead I’ve felt more positive and happy inside just by seeing how caring and humorous you all can be. Thank […]
Its 1:55 am and I desperately need someone to talk to
I was brought up pagan and chose the pagan path for myself, one of the beliefs in paganism is resurrection. I strongly believe in past lives and that i have had multiple, i am an old soul. I don’t feel i am from this time, i think that plays a huge role in me not liking this life and all my hate of the new age. I always imagine how peaceful and nice it would be to just be in a village with my loved ones and friends, to be a mom and to clean and cook and welcome my husband back from his hunts. […]
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