The feeling of failing a suicide attempt is excruciating because you feel worthless for not being able to kill yourself, which only pushes you to want to attempt again. Each time you fail, your need to die only grows and grows, and it feels like torture.
I’ve decided that I just don’t have the patience to try to acquire ********, so tonight I’m going to hang myself with a belt. I have put it around my neck as tight as possible and fastened it by poking a new, very small hole, which makes it extremely difficult to remove, and it cuts off all oxygen. Wish me luck guys. I really would’ve preferred to just have done the ******** method, but that’s not possible, which fucking sucks.
Love you all,
Bailey.
I’ve never really understood the notion that you are allowed to have control over every aspect of your life, except for when it ends. It seems really unfair to force someone to exist when they clearly don’t want to. Personally I don’t think life is for everyone, and that going to such strong efforts to talk someone out of it is often only done because they don’t want to experience grief over the person, or that they would miss them. In my experience of family or friends trying to talk me out of it, their reasoning was never in my best interest, but in theirs. […]
I suppose this is one of my main reasons as to why I want to kill myself. About seven years ago I came to the realization that everything that I perceive as real could just be a creation of my mind, with no way of proving or disproving it. Because of this, I haven’t had any will to live in nearly a decade. I am convinced that this will sooner or later be the death of me, after all, it eliminates any guilt about committing suicide, as well as any fear of death or dying. This way of thinking has affected me so drastically that […]
I am 19 years old, have been suicidal for about 11 years, and seeing therapists for 7 or 8. I have also tried several different antidepressants with no results. It seems that it has gotten to the point where I just don’t do anything anymore, and frankly, I’ve become a complete waste of space. My parents and entire family have given up on me for the first time in my life, and I suffer from thoughts relating to solipsism non-stop. I am at the point where committing suicide is all that I care about, to the point where I would get rid of anything in […]