I know that life is a struggle that I should have the will to win by surviving and proving them all wrong by making something of myself, but no matter how many times I tell myself that or tell other people that it’s not true. I don’t plan on winning this fight. I am sorry. Sorry for not being there when you truly need me little brother, mom, dad, grandpa. Why should I though after all you all hated me so much didn’t you? I am sorry but telling me how strong I am is just you seeing the lies that I have covered myself […]
She closes her pale blue eyes alone to see crimson red as the tears of blood run down her cheeks. The blood tears drop down into the water much like the unbearable grains of sand in the hour glass of time. Each drop of blood scatters in the water. The water raffles as the blood scatters. Then the young girl drops to her knees in the freezing snow that covers the grass. Now the snow is becoming stained with the crimson red tears of betrayal. What was once pure has now been tainted with the sin of […]
Over the years I have watched so many friends come and go. I help them with anything. I have saved them from suicide, cleaned there wounds from cutting themselves, acted as support and help through the tough times. I have done so much for so many of them. I ask for nothing in return but friendship to last. That always fails. People don’t change inside but there needs and lies change everyday. I try to help and I do all the time, but honestly I never get anything out of it. I get happiness that last a few weeks […]
I wish to finally be killed. To never exist. To forget and just be dead. I’m tired of all of the shit that’s called life. I’m tired of these people who just end up making it worse. Look I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted. I’m sorry I’m not the friend you wanted. I’m sorry I’m not the niece you wanted or the girlfriend or the grand daughter. I guess this is my fault and my fate. My job to fix it my job to correct the mess you’ve made and when I’m done my body will die, this I know. I’m so sorry […]
Someone for a short period of time brought my soul back from the deeps of nothingness and I was able to feel again. Isn’t that suppose to be a good thing? I hate it! I wish that person would have never touch my sleeping soul if only to throw it away! I just want to crawl back into the nothingness and feeling less. But the probably is it hurts just like last time to crawl back in the water. Just like it hurt to crawl out. Why did you bother?! You brought me more pain than joy! Can’t I just be left alone?! I had […]
Noow that everyone knows my true self….I feel so empty and alone..but why I should be happier? I get along with my parents and we’re one big happy family. I guess it’s because the one thing that I care about doesn’t care about me…maybe I should jump from the edge…and end all the apin and torment..
I was sitting outside, staring off ponderingabout my past. Life was so much easier back then. When I knew nothing of this dark and twisted world. I wish someone could give me my ignorance back.
Why do I act? I act in so many ways that I don’t even remember who I am. I’m just so tired of it. The same thing happening over and over again. I thought I had gotten over it, but I was wrong. Maybe I’ll never get out of this slump. I’m just stuck waiting for someone to pull me back up on my feet. Can I not mange to out of this on my own? Why can’t I? I’ve tired so many times….but I’m about to fall again. I want to stand on my own and face my fears. I want to stop acting……I […]
I wanna just stay home. Locked up in a small room with no contact to the outside world. All alone. Wouldn’t life be great that way? All alone with no one to talk to. No one to care. Sounds just so fun!
My dad hit my mom. My mom cried. My dad freaked out. My brother cried. My dad tried to get someone to call 911. No one would do it. My mom cried. Blood was everywhere. I watched. I tried to walk away but couldn’t. I watched unfazed by it. I watched expressionless. Then I started cleaning up the blood. Does this mean I don’t care? Or am I just use to it? I don’t know….
I feel alone…empty….like nothing matters anymore…maybe it doesn’t matter…..I’m tired…tired of life…tired of people…and their acting. Acting like they care….acting like they want to help when in truth the one they really care about is themselves. Im not stupid. I believe in the truth, because lies hurt. Don’t protect me from the truth with lies and lies. I know better. I’m not a play toy. I have feelings. Humans are liers and sinners. They are worthless. I’m worthless. Even I lie from time to time. It’s hard to tell the truth but I wish that someone could even if it hurt more than the lies. […]
What would it take to be ‘normal’? To be happy instead of depressed? To wish to live instead of wanting to die? What would it take to be hopeful again? To love again? To feel..?…Will I ever be okay? Or is this how I’m meant to be forever and ever…..to not know the joys of happiness…..only to wonder what it’s like…someone please…I just want to be happy again….I guess that’s to much to ask for….
Falling..I’m falling again..Into loneliness…That’s fine….I’ve learned to excepted it…I lost my hope…my will…I learned that nothin’ l do will change it, and that’s fine. l’m not sad…nor am l happy. l only have a feeling of emptiness…despair and hatred don’t linger inside me…l’m not jealous or angry…nothiness is what l feel, but that’s okay..for l’m dead inside. Life is meaningless to me. l have no purpose..no reason…no hope..no one…nothing…not a single thing in sight. Being alone changes someone. It reminds them of the horried truth that is the human heart. For hope only brings despair. Trying only brings failuar. Love only brings pain. And […]
If I was to disappear would anyone really notice? Would anyone really care? I don’t think so….Sometimes I wish I could just disappear into thin air….would that really be that bad? To just disappear all to gether one day like I never existed at all? Should I or should I not?