Still pretending to fix something now, as I have quite literally given up. However, I am a man of my word and I won’t kill myself until June 22nd. Only recently has the pain of depression (and yes, major depression can cause pain) been constant. Previously it has been on and off, but now I can’t shake it. I won’t have any regrets when I kill myself, because it won’t be as painful as my life is now.
I’ve been trying for too long and now I just don’t care anymore. My girlfriend tried to get me to see a therapist, but he was utterly useless, more of a temporary stress and “depression” guy. Even worse was the traffic and hurdles just to get to the office. I’ve been out of work for over a year (though a month long job at the worst grocery store in the state is hardly a job) and have sent in over 1000 applications, online and in person. The only consistent “offers” are the harassment from Aflac and telemarketers that use the bait-and-switch strategy. I’m just done. […]