I’ve been trying for too long and now I just don’t care anymore. My girlfriend tried to get me to see a therapist, but he was utterly useless, more of a temporary stress and “depression” guy. Even worse was the traffic and hurdles just to get to the office. I’ve been out of work for over a year (though a month long job at the worst grocery store in the state is hardly a job) and have sent in over 1000 applications, online and in person. The only consistent “offers” are the harassment from Aflac and telemarketers that use the bait-and-switch strategy. I’m just done. I’m useless, I’m a burden, I only take and take and never give anything back. Life was never great, but more recently it’s worse. Nothing makes me even a little happy anymore, even intimate activities are a chore where I fake finishing just to be done. To find help, my girlfriend has actually only made things stressful and annoying as I have to hold her hand through everyday life tasks. I’m just done. I posted here to make it look like I’m doing something, but I don’t care anymore. I’ve been unselfish my entire life, it’s time to focus on me. Since that means killing myself, I’m alright with that. Depression isn’t curable so why bother anymore?
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Dude I totally feel you. I’ve been out of work for over a year myself. I feel like a huge burden on my family. I don’t really care about anything. Depression is not curable, some are able to deal with it. Medication help some. I’ve tried it and it isn’t really working for me. I have horrible lows … I wish life was like it was when I was younger… when I didn’t know what “reality” was. When anything seemed possible. Now I’m just ready to quit
@Drastunir: Everything you wrote I can empathize with. I’m right there with you, man. Oh, I really liked your reference to all the stress you have to go through to get to the “therapist.” Scheduling & insurance hoops & traffic & parking. It’s enough to make you … depressed.
@Ghostboy27: I tried meds, too. And cognitive behavioral therapy with several of the so-called best therapists. And ECT three times. You’re right that somethings work for some people. But there are those of us for whom nothing works. And it gets exhausting pretending to be happy, up-beat, OK for everyone ELSE. And worst of all, we have to go through the hell of preparing our own death. How f*#ked up is that? The world doesn’t want us, can’t help us, but refuses to even let us die peacefully to get out of its way.
You have a girlfriend and you want to die?! You fucking moron. Does she mean so little to that you’d rather dedicate yourself to your problems to the point you will no longer be there for? I have to say if you are, whether either of you can admit it or not she is better off without you. I’m 29 and never had a girlfriend or friends thats why I want to die you have some who cares about you. Selfish pig.
Ouch. I agree with the message you were trying to convey, but please keep it nice and friendly, we’re all a big family right?
As someone that has been cured of depression…I sorta disagree with your last statement. Of course I spent more than a year in therapy. So who told you that depression isn’t curable? Just curious…I want their licence to practice !! Perhaps your depression is uncurable…but then it would be…because YOU are the one responsible for “curing” it and not your therapist. Perhaps you just got a bad one? Don’t give up…keep looking. That is my advice for what it is worth….which is approximately bumkiss. And an open mind goes a long way to making therapy work eh?
“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.” Paulo Coehlo
therapy always feels like it doesn’t work until a few months into it.
(anyone else realize this was posted 6 months ago?)
yup…realized it as soon as I posted the comment. Could you sense my shame from there? hahaha
But in all fairness…I wasn’t the first one to dig it up from the archives. 😀
yeah, i vaguely remember this one post called “i have to pee” being rediscovered like 4 times throughout 2 years lol
http:// suicideproject.org/2012/04/i-really-need-to-pee
without the space. lol.
Definitely sounds like a post worth repeating. hahahaha You’ve been here 2 years? I’m surprised I don’t know you…but then your screen name? hahahaha
I’ve been here since August of 2k13, i have a pretty epic story of being on sp.
well, not really. i’m actually pretty annoying and used to post like 2 things everyday. i stopped going on this site for a while and stopped posting once i started communicating with the people here in different ways. then i saw all the new people coming and becoming major commentors on this site, i barely knew anyone and was overwhelmed. so it took me a long time to get caught up. 🙂
bah, i ramble alot and most things i type are pointless. forgive me.
That is hysterical. I could probably clear up the mystery…because I knew the OP…and understand such things as Shaolin Gumby. hahahahaha Actually I recognize many that commented. Okay…laughing over. I miss Christina. 🙁 She was a very interesting and emotive person for sure. I especially like that you unearthed it once yourself. hahahaha Back to laughing !!
i wish sp had those epic moments again :p