Some of us were meant to live a miserable life and die alone. I use to think if I work hard and be nice to people maybe, just maybe I’d have some sort of hope in this world, but instead I am miserable, alone and almost out iof hope. Burying myself with work only worked for so long. Poetry only gave me a tomorrow, but one run’s out of words and the pain and suffering is hard to endure. The last few years have been challenging, thoughts of suicide constant and love has been obscure and friends have almost disappear. Phoenix Arizona is now a […]
Feeling alone again, far beyond the feelings of yesterday
Insanity creeping in gently like a swift blowing wind
Looking for ways to lessen the pain without needles in veins
“Stay sane,” Is what I tell the voices in my head.
Little whispers, “Embrace the pain.”
I think, “Cutting again?” no I’ll refrain
There should be a better way, there always is
Maybe a stare back from the mirror, a slight admiration of self
Maybe the girl across the street a little kiss
Maybe an inspiration from the deceased
As the thoughts rang, it came.
Like an answered prayer
A thought, a pen and paper
I wrote it as I felt it I described it like a painter
I felt […]
Mama said to hold on to the most basic emotion, love
Love, failed me over and over as I bled from all the cuts,
Cuts, done by unseen sharps as she again let me down,
Down, further in hole than the last one,
I can not be undone, but I am broken,
And none see those hopeless moments
They see the iron-will in me and its all false
In the end it shows, they see as I rot
Can’t hold on for long, I tried
Play the song “When I’m gone” when I’m gone
I’m not much of a sharer and I’ll probably never share with someone one on one but I feel death haunts me now daily and no one sees how depressed and suicidal I’m getting because I have a way of putting on a mask at the time and look the happiest and I held on to chancr of relationships and love but the girls I’ve loved, liked or simply pursued have the same conclusion harsh rejection. Jay just made me feel like shit and now the voices say I should jump the bridge or let my veins bleed out or buy a nine and go […]
The end justifies the beginning,
“Take a step to oblivious, “he says.
“We came a long way to give up
You’re at cliff’s edge, one more simple step.”
“Embrace the fall,” he continuous
“Gently let go of the sorrow,
In the end I’ll well welcome you with open arms,
We’ll even sing one of His psalms.”
“Take my hand,” he says.
“There are no holes in my palms.”
I snap back, thought rang, “This is deadlier than reality.”
I smile and say, “let’s try this tomorrow.”
“The loneliness almost had me,
Somehow you came thru with that calming devilish voice,
At least someone to talk to when no one is.”
As far as answering the call, hold on
I’m not ready to […]
This shell I have is tough to crack, no one sees the pain just the smile. I cannot get the attention from anyone and I’m fine with that. But lately I’ve been getting withdrawn from people. Family, friends, work and I can feel what’s around the corner. The suicidal thoughts are ringing heavy and I have to play music louder to get rid of them. Surprisingly no one sees that I am changing and probably heading for the worst what holds me together is my immediate family. The only reason to live has been not to disappoint her. But I am losing touch with relationships, […]
Death is a thought that every once in a while draws me closer and closer. The loneliness on nights where sleep can’t come any faster and I hear that monster talking me into death. No one will miss this pathetic little man. No one loves me, no one acknowledges me, I tend to be ignored by most. I guess I should take my life but what stops me is that life is not mine to take even my own. And so I guess I will suffer until the day comes maybe I deserve pain, some of us do. If I fail maybe tomorrow I may […]
My thoughts are dark and every time I try to make them known maybe get a little attention so someone can fix my messed head, everyone assumes its art. Wanted to kill before but that flame is gone these days. I only feel like taking myself out in style. Body full of bullets type of shit. I mean I feel lonely in a room full of people and the one girl that kept me sane and happy kinda told me she didn’t like me no more. My psycho self comes back. I feel pain a bit differently I see everything as a suicide object. Needles, […]