dying2die

There have been a lot of suicides, of famous people as well as people I’ve known, that have made me feel terribly sad. But the funny thing is, when I ask myself if any of them would be happier today if they’d lived, the answer is always no. They’re better off dead.

Even people like, say Robin Williams who had so much to offer the world, do you honestly think he’d want to have lived through the last 10 years of bullshit in the world (let alone what he might’ve personally struggled with)? Hell no, tragic as it was, he got out of this shitheap before […]

Brilliant writer, intelligent, insightful and talented at the art of words, but after reading all of his fiction novels (I don’t have the patience for essays), I gotta say I don’t think he ever experienced pure, agonizing, suicidal pain himself. And that’s why his philosophy fails on me.

In a nutshell, his recurring philosophy can be summed up like this:

Life is absurd, essentially meaningless, but we should rebel against the meaningless and create meaning.

Sure, that’s fine. But not when you’re dealing with an agony so deep and maddening that you can’t fucking think straight. To use the metaphor of the 9/11 jumper: those faced with the […]

The news media is of course blaming “mental health” struggles, but I watched some of her youtube content and she’s more lucid & rational than most people I know. She just happened to choose suicide.

Here’s her last video where she talks for half an hour. I only watched the first 7 mins but I didn’t see any evidence of any mental health issues. First she talks about the lack of god on earth & how the world is a place of evil. I got no arguments there. Then she says our lives are dictated by the few rich & powerful, by corrupt governments. Makes sense […]

Anyone else suffer from this? I’m not talking about physical speech impediments or aphasia where you literally can’t form words. I guess the term for what I’m talking about is “selective mutism” but when I read up on that it doesn’t seem to apply either.

What I’m talking about is, you want to talk to people, you’re even good at it, but it’s just such an effort like getting out of bed to a depressed person. You just isolate and rot.

I’ve long since ghosted all my old friends, even though they’re good people. I figured that was because they reminded me of my past (a logical […]

Life is hopeless, but there’s a terrifying kind of hopeless when you realize that money, the most powerful thing in world, can’t help you. Can’t even make it better.  Can’t do shit.

I can’t even dream of winning a lottery, striking oil or finding buried treasure. Nothing makes a difference. Nothing.

Most mental health forums I visit have tons of addicts & more-than-casual drug users, but I feel like SP is (mostly) clean? That’s really interesting. Commendable. Confusing?

All I know is when I’m at rock the fuck bottom like I’ve been for the last year, the only thing that keeps me from diving off the nearest overpass into traffic is a hard dose of something. My existence is so fucking artificial, like a functional coma, but the alternative is to wake up and end it all. Which, all things being equal, would get the job done more efficiently.

Visiting a place 400 miles away. Travel was a distraction, unfamiliar surroundings were a distraction, a few brief interactions with strangers were distractions, but as soon as things get quiet I’m back to hell. It follows you.

I can’t get a news story out of my head from years ago. It was about a girl who was depressed and went to a party. Everyone says she seemed to be having the time of her life, really happy and outgoing. She left the party early and killed herself. People were baffled.

I wasn’t. It makes total sense and it’s the feeling I’ve got right now. We’re constantly told […]

Asked ChatGPT how Van Gogh died. Got flagged for violating usage policy??

So much for suicide awareness in the 21st century.

Sometimes for comfort (or torture?) I visit the site facesofsuicide where people post pictures & tributes to those who have killed themselves. It’s basically a wall of hundreds of faces, really sad and sobering. You can click on the faces and it leads to their name and maybe a short description, but that’s all.

To me it’s so incredibly tragic that these people were in so much pain that they offed themselves, and history will never know their story. Just faces in a crowd. But maybe they would want it that way? idk

Some days I want the world to know everything (after I’m dead) so they […]

I sure would. This sounds like a badass idea to me. Soeul opened 4 convenience stores where ppl are encouraged to chill, watch movies, low-level socialize or just sit there and exist with others.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cgkrge6e0z4o

I think the key is that they’re giving out free ramen noodles. Who’s gonna turn down free stuff? It’s a great incentive to get people to go, especially people like me who are skeptical of social gatherings. But hey I would go for the free food and maybe hang for a movie.

South Korea has the 2nd highest suicide rate in the world, and researchers think it’s because they went from a traditional […]

If you don’t know who Cheslie Kryst was there are tons of news articles & videos available, or you could read her book like I did. She was Miss USA 2019, a full time lawyer, athlete, model, activist, fashion blogger, TV host for the show Extra, and a ton of other stuff. She jumped from a highrise in NYC in 2022.

The book is in 2 parts, the main part is her memoir beginning on the night she won Miss USA 2019 and contining thru the 1.5 years of her reign living in NYC while flashing back to the years leading up to it. The 2nd […]

I first heard that term when Chelsie Kryst jumped off a highrise in Manhattan. She was Miss America 2019, tv star, model, etc, and who knows what other endeavors, but suicide won out.

Although I’m not a celebrity, I can totally relate because I’m in a high stress career with tons of responsibilities on my shoulders in addition to keeping my own personal responsibilities on track. I think that’s why nobody around me recognizes that I’m so fucking depressed I obsess over suicide every hour of the day. The stereotype of the depressed person is someone who lays in bed all day or whatever, and here’s […]

My fall is accelerating because I’ve stopped fighting it. Looking back I can see how incredible it is that I kept myself afloat all these years by fighting it. But all it took was to give up for just a short while and already I’m past the point of no return.

People have tried to save me in the past. Exes really tried hard, but they proved to me as well as themselves that when there’s a boulder about to fall you better get out of the way. I’m glad I didn’t ruin their lives, at least I can say that. I’m glad I ghosted everyone, […]

Suicide jumper dies shortly after falling from Parking Structure 4

A woman threatened suicide at Parking Structure #4 in Santa Monica on Dec 6. Five fire trucks and a circus of squad cars and lordy knows how many mental health professionals… they talked her down.

Two weeks later she was right back in the same spot. Evidently none of the “help” helped. More fire trucks, more squad cars, send in the clowns again. They talked her down.

Another 2 weeks later, she’s back again and this time she did it fast before the circus arrived.

Don’t tell me the signs weren’t there, that nobody knew, or that she […]