Engie

I am twenty four.

I am an engineer.

I can be compassionate.

I lived a happy childhood.

I grew up in a loving family.

I can be very emotionally manipulative.

I might be in love, but I don’t really know what love is supposed to feel like.

I sometimes get mood swings.

Sometimes, I want to die.

I don’t feel guilt or remorse, but most of the time, I’m conscientious in the way I treat people.

I doubt my level of empathy sometimes.

My friends can never tell when I’m serious or joking. Sometimes, neither can I.

Every time I dream, my dream self always has a different personality.

I might not be in love, but if I’m not, then […]

I feel so empty and alone. It’s been a week since I got out of hospital. I’m at my girlfriends house. She’s asleep right now. I’m so down and upset I can’t sleep. I just want to die right now.
I feel like I should cry, but I can’t.
I want to end it now.
Earlier today, I said there were things I still wanted to do. Now I don’t care. If I die now, I’ll never care.

OK, so I’ve been away for a bit. Today is my first real day back in the office. And I was dreading it like any other day.

It’s been a while since I posted here. Last time I posted some stuff about earlier this year when my parents were separating and I was still living at home.

A lot happened since then. Overall, it’s been a pretty bizarre year.

It was shortly after I posted my last post that things got really bad at home and I couldn’t stay there anymore. For a couple of weeks, all I had was a bag full of clothes. I’d show up […]