eternaldarkness

So the other week I went to get food (unsuccessfully) and had to walk a bit. Saw a storefront called “The Cutting Room.” It was dark and closed (night time) so I didn’t know what is, but my immediate thought was cutting/SH or cutting/butchering place. Turns out “The Cutting Room” was just a haircut place. But funny how my first and second thoughts are so damn dark O_o

I mean it’s not funny but how are we supposed to be all sunshine and roses when we instinctively think certain thoughts? It’s not as if I haven’t TRIED to change my thoughts. […]

What can I do to “cope” with the shit life I can’t seem to escape from? So far, the only thing I can do is stuff my face and feel good for a few minutes, then go back to feeling like shit bc all that does is get me fat and I do not want to be fat.

I USED to exercise like mad, 3hrs a day every other day, and that worked beautifully bc it released my pent up anger. But obviously I can’t do that now. I’m physically fucked so now just walking hurts- something as simple as walking a few […]

It pisses me off that everyone says that shit. NO, there are many things that you just don’t forget or are able to “get over.” First of all, it’s not a choice. NO ONE wants to be traumatized nor do we want to be mentally screwed up over shit that’s happened in the past.

Like say for example a girl gets raped. Do you tell her to “just get over it” bc it’s “the past”? FFS

People who say that are shitty uncaring people, and have NEVER experienced trauma or horrendous things. If they did, they’d know that it’s not easy […]

Imagine a world where everyone who truly wanted to suicide could. That’s never going to happen in reality bc there’s too much money to be made in keeping other humans sick and depressed and indentured servants to our corporate overlords.

But suppose it was allowed. Old ppl who are terminal and dying wouldn’t have to suffer the last few years of life. And it’s going to be ALL of us, minus a few who are able to end our lives beforehand. It’s so insane to me that the severely ill still can’t die quicker and be allowed to end their […]

I wonder how many people are ACTUALLY severely depressed and/or suicidal? What stats there are, are off bc most ppl who are “depressed” aren’t chronically depressed like we are, where no matter what we do, we can’t shake off this darkness.

There are loads of ppl who claim they are “depressed,” when in reality they are just going through say a breakup or something, something that may be unpleasant or shitty at the time being, but it’s not the same as someone who has a fundamental issue with life itself, or of our existence.

According to WHO:
“An estimated 3.8% of the population experience depression, including […]

Or are we just Fucked?

This has been the worst fucking birthday, and I’ve had a lot of bad ones -_-

:'(

but NO ONE would help me, and so I’ve rotted, and become rotten. Is it a wonder I’ve been the way I am? It’s not my fault I’ve become an angry monster. That anger has been flamed by EVERYONE in this shitty world that’s done me wrong. EVERY. SINGLE.ONE. of those fuckers.

was extinguished long ago. What’s left is an angry weepy mess. :'(

your insane fucked up mom is LESS insane and LESS fucked up than you are. -_-

-_-

I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING

I’m so fucking frustrated with my life that I have LITERALLY been screaming the last few days. IDK how else to deal with anger and frustration.

I hate my fucking life
I hate my situation
I hate being sick and disabled
I hate being poor
I hate living in a shit apt
I hate NOT being able to control my environment and my life

Goddamnit, I had bought a flight, but it was a day earlier than I wanted to leave (not packed and ready to leave tomorrow night), but it was booked a few days ago, and tonight I saw the flight I wanted, but it meant I had to cancel the flight and rebook and pray that nothing goes wrong and someone snatches my flight as I cancel and before I can rebook (the page is SO slow, lagging, takes many minutes to cancel and rebook), so I decided to think about it first before jumping on it. I re-checked it 1-2 hours later and it […]

Do you feel like you’re cursed? I feel like I’ve been cursed.

I used to be so capable, and did so much.
Now, I’m a shell of what I used to be.

I used to have confidence in myself, now I don’t.
Part of that has to do with manipulative assholes and gaslighters who purposely whittled down my confidence so they could control me.

Granted, I was never super super confident, but I had SOME confidence in myself. I want at least what I USED to have and idk how to get it back.

All these years of me getting battered by the world and by shitty evil ppl have crushed me.

Depression leads to Procrastination which leads to a myriad of things that fuck us over. And yet, we still procrastinate.

(not anyone on SP)

All you assholes and shitcunts that have screwed me over- I wish you 1000x the pain and misery you brought onto me. Yes, I DO wish the worst pain imaginable onto you. You’re vile shitty fucking pieces of shit. I fucking hate you evil fucking assholes. You deserve to get stabbed and tortured by someone way more evil than you. THAT would be the ONLY justice. For someone to physically and psychologically torture you the same way you did to me, but 1000x worse.

I never did anything to any of you, and yet you have done […]