eternaldarkness

Fucking fungus is EVIL. I’m literally fucking cursed with this shit.

Most of my current issue now is dealing with my fucking fungus. it literally takes up HOURS of my time EVERY SINGLE DAY dealing with this shit. Constant putting on creams, vinegar, oils, and showering and scrubbing and this and that, literally half my day is spent battling this shit. It doesn’t go away, it only spreads. And no, there isn’t any easy cream or lotion or pill that gets rid of it. Last line of attack is this really noxious pill that is ONLY about 60%. While […]

@thebends, i’m copying your comment here so I can reference it if it’s in one of my posts.

—comment from @thebends—
Hey eternal don’t worry I won’t be leaving, the dark thoughts are too much a part of me to ever go away. But since I’ve outrun those dark thoughts (for now) I won’t have much to complain about so I’ll just be posting here less. Regardless of suicide, I think this is one of the best sites on the internet for expressing our feelings without being judged, so I won’t go far.

About our situations, I notice they’re a lot alike so maybe your path […]

I can’t think clearly anymore. I mean I’ve been depressed for long awhile, but was never NOT able to think clearly before. My brain feels like mush. I don’t know if I’ve got brain damage (your brain atrophies when you have depression and also when your physical health declines, and I have both).

I can’t explain it. I mean I can think- like add 2+2 or whatever, but I can’t think CLEARLY. It’s more than not being able to concentrate. I can’t explain it.

That’s why I am apprehensive about taking that leap and expatting to a totally new country. […]

I need to stop moping around, depressed, not doing anything. Hell, I need to stop wallowing on here too. But I’m a fucking mess. HOW do I get my mind together to get stuff done? It’s not just not having the will. It’s not having the mental clarity to figure out a solution and go do it.

Like HOW do I fix my fungus without having to take toxic drugs that may not even work?
HOW do I expat to cheaper 3rd world country when I know no one, can’t speak the language, have health issues, have very specific […]

Currently dealing with skin fungus. It’s SPREAD all over my body, and I am at a loss of what to do. I do not go to see allopathic drs bc going to a drs office is what spread it in the first place. But natural stuff isn’t working. The toxic drug they have MAY work (in 60-70% they claim) which means realistically it’s more like 50%.

Dealing with that on a daily basis and not being able to combat that (and the past year due to multiple moves, it’s spread way fast) is taking toll on my physical and mental […]

I’ve always known these are the TWO things I NEED to get out of my depression and shit life. These are the 2 reasons why I am stuck depressed, not doing anything, feeling weak, helpless and hopeless.

IDK HOW @thebends found his/her self-confidence back, or what his purpose is, but that is the KEY to ME getting out of this as well.

How do I get my Confidence back?? No amount of self-help book is gonna cut it. I need to know what ACTUALLY works.

Our mindset is a helluva thing. If we THINK/KNOW we can accomplish things, and if we have […]

When you stop eating, at first there’s hunger pangs, but after some time, they go away. But when you start eating again, that pesky desire to eat comes back, and you’re forced to eat again and again. Eating USED to be enjoyable- hell, it was the only “enjoyment” in my life. But now? Eating is a fucking chore. -_-

How do we not let regret keep us stuck? I don’t mean minor regrets on stuff. I mean LIFE ALTERING choices or decisions that were made (or not made).

So many things have gone wrong in my life, and so many people have done so many bad things to me, over and over and over again. It’s hard to let go of that. Logically, I know getting stuck on the past and on emotions doesn’t do me any good. But on the other hand, when your emotions are stuck, no telling yourself to “get over it” is gonna get over it. […]

When you don’t sleep, night after night after night. and even when you do, it’s only a few hours every night, and you NEVER make up the sleep deficit. Imagine you pulling an all-nighter, except it’s an all-nighter EVERY night and you’re not allowed to pass out and sleep 10 hours and wake up all good and new.

Imagine that even when you do sleep “6” hours, that it’s not deep sleep. I do not get deep restful sleep, so when i wake up, i’m still fucking tired. it’s literally like being a fucking zombie, and NO sleep drugs don’t do shit. […]

I need to stop being depressed and take ACTION to better my life. But atm, I am battling stupid shit like forcing myself to eat and pushing myself to go get food. Simple basic things like that are difficult. How can I push myself to start doing things to get myself out of this shithole country when I can barely get a grip on feeding myself??

I NEED to start doing stuff to fix my life. I NEED to quit being a bum and doing nothing. But I would have to be NOT depressed to start taking action. I […]

So it’s yet another day, and hunger pangs have come back (ate once yesterday and once the day before). But I still don’t want to get dressed, go out, go to a store and get food, come back and shower, and then eat.

I mean, shit, it’s not hard. I used to do that when I was 7. But somehow, doing something so basic as getting dressed, going out, getting food, then showering, is hard. Like WTF is that shit?

I don’t mind eating if there was food in my fridge so it’s not like I’m purposely trying to starve. […]

I just can’t. I’m battered and broken. IDK what to do. Every day is hell. Torture.

I can’t take much more of this. NOTHING in my life ever gets better, only worse. And lately I’ve been dealing with toenail fungus that’s spread ALL over my body. FML. Been dealing with the toe for 4 years and the skin spread for the last 2 years. I can’t fucking get rid of it! And no, going to a dr to get some prescription cream does not fucking work.

And that’s in addition to the daily torment the shit fucker […]

This guy sums up money in a nutshell.
Worth reading the whole way through.

https://vaibhavguptawho.medium.com/why-you-should-stop-saying-money-isnt-everything-3c6c20a4215c

I have a shit life I can’t seem to escape, not without a LOT of action and courage and facing a bunch of unknowns (i.e. moving to a 3rd world country not knowing anyone and not knowing the language with zero help and with health problems so it’s NOT easy). Well, assuming that is the best viable plan. Of which it could all be so wrong and backfire.

I have all sorts of shit going on in my head making me depressed af and I can’t shut it off.

I can’t get back the old me- the me that was strong and courageous, fearless. […]

I feel like a misfit among misfits. There isn’t any “group” I belong to.

Even among depression groups (not here, on other sites), everyone is always “look on the bright side,” “you just need to think positive and life will magically get better!” blah blah. Depression is a HUGE umbrella. Many different kinds of people are afflicted with depression, and in varying degrees. Some are a little depressed, or situationally depressed (ie school, girl issues, etc), but then there’s others like me who are suicidal and hopeless about life.

This site certainly helps from time to time as some […]

Do you actually want to die, or do you want live a better, happier life, with different circumstances?

The truth is, most people (not all) simply want to escape from their shitty life and not necessarily want to die. I would be happy to live if I could live a happy, peaceful, serene life, free from worries and stresses. But as it is, my life is full of stress and worries and troubles and shit neighbors and lack of good housing, and lack of money, and health issues, and all that crap.

JFC, do you know how MUCH your life is ruined by shitty neighbors? […]

that you would undo/redo if you could go back in time?

I can’t take my shit life anymore. I’m trapped in a shitty situation and I can’t get out. I wish someone would rescue me. Ofc that’s a pipe dream. There is no one is that is going to rescue me. I have to do it myself, bc I’m all alone. I have no one. No friends, no family, no SO, no love, nothing. Shit, I’ve lost my self-esteem and drive, so I can’t even help myself anymore.

I’m falling apart. I mean I’ve been broken all this time but it’s just getting worse and worse and it’s […]

For those <25, you guys are still young. Heck, I’ll even extend it to 30.

But for those who are middle aged or older- how long have you had depression? How long have you had mental or emotional issues? Is there a good likelihood that the depression and issues will get better or go away?

Nah, the older we are, the more our lives are "set" and the harder for things to magically improve, save winning the lottery or some slim chance of a miracle.

Life is Fucking Hopeless if you are poor, single, and sick. Alone with no help.

What does one do? I’ll only get older and sicker as time goes by, not younger and healthier.