So, all this time I was hating myself? It was all due to body dysphoria. I’m trans and my parents were keeping my behaviours from childhood a secret. All this time I was telling myself to “man up” I literally just wanted to be a man, not “as strong as a man”. The screams in my head have finally stopped, I’m getting on with my studies. It’s mad how I myself made myself too insecure to even admit a truth to myself. Since I figured it out with my therapist I’ve been laughing, like actually laughing because all my pain is actually making sense, my […]
I try to take others from the edge but
I’ve learned a lot about myself during the 6 years I’ve been away from this site and I’ve learned things that sometimes make me want to stop moving forward and instead give in to what once was a gentle craving to what is now a frequent temptation.
The more life I live the more death pulls me back.
I wanna cry for the life a version of me could’ve had but I won’t ,. I’ll cry for my parents as I should’ve done this sooner and let them live more life to themselves.
I already picked a method. I’m going to strangle myself with a belt. I want to do it right now but I’ve not left any notes, or organised my belongings, haven’t written a will.
Could anyone advise me on how to do that quickly and tell me what’s the best place to go to once I’m done preparing everything? I don’t want to do it at home because I don’t want my parents to find me.
I feel guilty about everything I did and didn’t do. I’m failing so hard at life right now. I spent £150 on an exam retake, it’s in three weeks time and I’ve practically done zero revision. I was feeling fine when I paid for it, I thought I could do it.. Now.? I feel like shit, feel guilty about eating, I don’t deserve to have food. So many people have it worse than me and they don’t loose their motivation. I’m such parasite and a waste of space. I couldn’t even keep a job. My parents do too much for me. I’m too old to […]
Things have fucked up again. Looks like I’m going to be lonely for a while. I guess I always was anyway. Can’t be a part of this cold world, feeling lost, running from one cold person to another. It’s time for a change of environment and attitude.
I’m going to create my own universe, surround myself with good people and take shit from nobody.
just hate it when you’re sure you want to end your life and then someone makes you feel the need to stay?
The end is approaching, I can feel it. Everything is going against me, creating the only path which is right for me, suicide. By the end of this year hopefully it’ll be over and done with. Noone else is going to get the chance to disappoint me, no plans will be cancelled, no promises broken, no fake smiles aimed in my direction, my heart will ache and break no more. Just brief freedom whilst in the air and then boom. Finally dead and gone.
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]
Deep down I knew it all along; I knew I would relapse. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon after I started getting better. Maybe I wasn’t actually getting better? Yeah, I got a job and started doing voluntary work but my mind is still empty. For more than 2 years now it’s been 97% empty, remaining 3% were occupied by my feeling of worthlessness and grief towards life. I stopped daydreaming long time ago. Nothing interests me, nothing bothers me. I don’t think. I’m getting dumber each day and it’s showing. I’m so done.. Even meds stopped working. Sometimes I still […]
(I realise that all of them are bad in one way or another) but I want to know specific ones I should definitely avoid. I’m going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and the nurse told me that because of my assessment results I will most likely be prescribed antidepressants, so I want to come in prepared. I would be very thankful if any of you could advice me on this; I don’t want to get side-effects that will make me feel worse than I already do.
whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?
Why can’t people be reliable?
Might seem like a silly question, but whilst considering suicide, did any of you consider what you would wear? People always talk about the right method but did any of you think of how you would want others to see you ‘afterwards’? Or do you not care?
I personally care, I want to be remembered in a good way, I wouldn’t want to die in my pyjamas..