goingnumb
goingnumb
Hi, my names Olivia manic depressive with severe anxiety and suicidal ideation and some other stuff.
I’ve done so many drugs the past couple months I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.thing is I think I replaced cutting with doing all these drugs. I don’t know which is better
Tried cocaine today new favorite drug hands down.
Every time I just crash into a deeper depression
I’m in one of those moods where you don’t want to do anything but you want to try to be happy but nothing’s working.
I got an amazing job today and everything is starting to work out I guess but I just feel like complete shit
My doctor told me he can’t help me by himself. Meaning he wants me to go to somebody else… The problem with that is I hate talking and I don’t trust people so easily plus I don’t have insurance so my doctor gives me a deal when I go for a check up. There’s barely any groups around me its just frustrating he won’t see me again until I go and see someone else and he gets their opinion. Problem is he also won’t refill my medicine one day without Paxil after on it forever tears me apart from the inside out.
Everything just feels awful, nothing has a point, nothing feels real, I have not seen the point in 99.99% of the things in my life.
After two attempts at my life in the matter of two weeks me and my husband went to the doctors go more medicine and some new ones he’s holding on to them because it’s easy to overdose on them I’m mad but I understand I guess he loves me and I love him I don’t know why I’m so addiment about killing myself
It’s scary
Today was so fucking bad it made me realize a lot that I’ve been pushing down and what’s been happening for years is not okay. I feel the only way out is to leave everything and just escape from life