I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of what’s right & wrong. Everyday is a huge waste of energy. I just want to disappear. I’m tired of being the crazy one. The one in therapy…that’s not working. So I feel like a failure. I fail at all I touch.
I am done. Tired. I’ve tried DBT. I’ve tried & i’m tired. I love Scott!! I can’t tell him that though. I dream about him & wish he was in my life, other than being my therapist who I can’t & cannot appease. So, I’ve decided that death will finally take me, as I’ve always felt it would. You see, I have no friends. I can’t & don’t keep them. This world sucks!!! All you see is hate & killing. People who think they are owed, who don’t shoot for the moon themselves. They just want everything handed to them. So, my Suicide is planned […]
I’ve been suicidal for a very long time now. Seriously,I don’t understand how people “recover”. It’s all I can do to keep myself together everyday. Some days are better than others. Most just suck! I go in to see him today& I feel worse coming out of there. He makes me feel bad for feeling suicidal, like it’s a switch I can turn off. I’ve had these feelings for a VERY long time! How are they supposed to go away in 7 months? I’m supposed to be able to call him if things get bad for a coaching call, but I don’t feel like I […]
I’ve been in DBT for almost 7 months now. Why did I think it would be my saving grace? I think that sometimes you can’t be saved. Sometimes we aren’t supposed to be saved. I have never been whole. Death has been watching me for a very very long time. I wish it would get it over with.
It never goes away completely. Eventually if my mind is quiet it will grab a hold of me & weight me down. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of fighting. I just want peace. I feel so dumb bc I can’t seem to understand DBT. What is wrong with me? I yell too much……I believe they are better off without me. They will become stronger. I was never meant to be.