Not like this,
ashamed of what im going to do.
wouldnt want anyone to see,
but what more can i do?
i dont do it for attention.
never wanted the negative.
why am i always the rejected?
too many times,
too many heartbreaks
but then again
i never wanted to go out like this.
Im so tired of this shit. completely exhausted. its a fucking saturday night and everyones ditched me.only because i cant drink or smoke pot. you know what, this worlds better off with out me, not like anyone would show up to my funeral. i lost the one person who actually cared and hes not coming back so whats the fucking point anymore. i feel like a useless pawn that should have died years ago. please god if you exsist, just make this shit go away…..for the love of your one and only son please. cant take it anymore im tired of being alone tired of […]
Here we are again.
i thought i was number one,
But now i have a chance to be a black widow on your wall.
i listen in every now and,
then when your about to cry,
Your deppresion has blinded you,
from what you need the most.
i’m supposed to be your host,
but its seems i’ve dissapeared.
the important thing is to remember,
i am always here.
i listen in every now and then when you scream,
though it looks like i m still,
as if i was serene.
your noise shakes my webs,
that i have spun neatly just for you.
When will my soul grow old?
To die, to hide, to break, to take, to breathe,
And not worry about what is left underneath the tree.
It was all built on lies, under water.
Beneath the sea.
Little old me waiting for the grass,
To grow, to change color of a brilliant green.
To watch the patches of dirt be hidden and never show.
To hide the emotions built up inside a soul,
To never let happen an exchange of events.
From one person to another.
Heart to heart is painful, but you have to make the best.
Says a shrub of wisdom […]
It doesnt stop
it sneaks up and pops right in.
unwelcomed it comes,
knock knock.
i try to lock it away,
push it back
swallow it down.
the hits just keep rolling.
one day ill be free
the question is when?
I fucking hate my job. i hate it with a passion. its part time and i dont make money from it. the people there are horrible i cant stand some of them i feel like they all talk shit behind my back. it makes my anxiety worse when i feel like this. i get in trouble for things i didnt do or “didnt do by policy” wtf? why does it have to be so friggin complicated? i get up every morning get on a bus to get there i come at least a half hour early. i clock in by myself on time, i stand […]
If i were a super hero
would you love me then or leave me?
think of me as a freak
or, a justice peace fighter?
would you love me for who i was,
and take me as i am?
or, would i be to complicated still
to much for you to comprehend?
Your supposed to be a loving person
someone i’m supposed to look up to.
instead your someone who i just cant stand.
if i were a super hero
could i finally be your friend?
maybe you then you […]
You know you’d think your problems would end when you grow up, more time goes by everyday and i realize i had it so much more easier when i was sixteen then i do now.
everything started when i was fourteen i lost my grandmother and my dad in one year. my grandmother was just the start of my fathers depression. On my fathers side most of my family are bipolar and have anxiety. So with it i have also developed these unwanted traits. after my father passed my whole world dropped. I started contemplating suicide at sixteen and i was always a failure at it. […]
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