Author

GypsyGene

256 words on apathy:

by GypsyGene 2/19/2012

written by GypsyGene

So I’ve ended up isolating myself socially, to some extent. I stopped going to work, and I stopped being honest with the people who actively try to make me feel better. I just say that I’m okay, although I don’t really know how I feel. I try not to think, because when I start doing just that, I remember how much of a failure I am, and that I really should just end it. And that’s the only form of solace I’ve got. “Well, it might be bad, but I could always kill myself, so it’s okay I guess”.

I don’t really want to tell anyone […]

2/19/2012 1 comment

Suicidal identity

by GypsyGene 4/2/2011

written by GypsyGene

After reading some of the posts and comments here, I realize that this is probably the darkest, most depressing online community I’ve ever encountered. For the most part, the same small group of people post and comment pretty much every day, even several times. It got me thinking – this suicide thing becomes an identity after a while.

It’s like any other habit you identify yourself with. “Yeah, she’s that girl who only wears blue or green”. “You know, that guy? The one who always quotes Star Wars?” Excuse the gender stereotypes, but I can’t think of better examples. After several nights of thinking about giving […]

4/2/2011 4 comments

Want, but can’t…

by GypsyGene 3/29/2011

written by GypsyGene

It’s one of those mornings. I haven’t slept at all, and I should be at school. I can’t even be bothered to take a shower, despite the odor in my bedroom. I only leave my room to eat, piss, shit, or to grab a smoke. The last couple of months, I’ve been tying and untying a noose every other night. Some nights, I get as far as standing on a chair, with the damn thing around my neck, ready to jump. Then, panic and the instinct of self-preservation kicks in.

The thing is; I’m not sad. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t want to cry. I’m […]

3/29/2011 6 comments