Was smoking with a friend some time ago when I met this girl who sort of barged in… Turned out she was my friends new friend, doing some thesis on some post modern filmography. Well, we were ll stoned, one thing led to another and she was showing me her poem, saying “if you like Silvia Plath, you’ll love this”. i kept trying to tell her that I like Plath’s book, and I’ve only read a couple of her poems. “read”. But she shoved her ipad into face anyway and I thought what the fuck, lets see what we got here. I thought it was the […]
Does anyone think that there actually exist people who can touch higher states of life or universe or w/e Or do people just sit around for six years deluding themselves to believing they can…?
I have searched high and  low for some reason to keep alive. I have…  but the only thing I keep finding are these self-delusions that are elaborated to keep living, to just stay alive. I mean I don’t have anything against doing these supposedly lowly jobs or exalted world-saving duties. There are those who say God gives their life meaning, those whose are serving humanity, those who simply have jobs that pay for their lifestyle and of course those that go along with the flow, no fking clue what or why and I belong to this last group, no doubt.
Its not that I’m hopeless, I’m […]
Every time I see a kid walking down the road with his mother or father or a grandparent, I get this weird pang in my stomach. I feel sad, like dead puppies in the ditch sad. I can just tell myself that its just some depression thing and move on but it just keeps coming back. Every time I pass a poor family sitting outside around a fire waiting for dinner, waiting for the night to end, every time I see a housewife standing on the porch looking and waiting for ways to kill time, every time I think of a paper pusher in an […]
I want to kill myself.
Awww why you have a perfectly… almost perfectly good life. You’re just going through a bit of a rough time hang in there, its going to get better.
Its not going to get better, I’ve been wanting and waiting for it get better for how many years now… I can’t say I can predict the future but I’ve been understanding my feelings, my death wish, and I want to dies more than ever. I say more than ever, but I cant clearly remember all the reasoning, the beliefs, the crap that led to this point but I can say with confidence that […]