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hechatis

Ghhh…

by hechatis
written by hechatis

Don’t know how much longer I can keep deluding myself. So long as I don’t think of my life – or rather lack there of – I just keep on existing, surfing through web, looking at completely inane stuff… Sometimes I read something or see something and though it has nothing to do with me and at times isn’t even all that sad I’ll feel tears welling up in my eyes. Then I’ll find a way to distract myself and pretend all is fine with me again. (Even though every moment I’m awake I know it’s not – I know I’m not alright)

 

Then my parents […]

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Lost…

by hechatis
written by hechatis

I’m weak. I’m so very very weak and scared and just… useless.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m too mch of a coward for anything and I’m just stuck unable to move either forward or back.

My self esteem right now is at a point where I can’t see any road that wouldn’t lead to failure. I can’t do anything, I have no more strength to persevere. I’ve tried and tried and tried and all I am is a failure and I can’t pretend I’m strong and can’t force myself to be optimistic anymore.

I’ve always run away from anything hard by burying myself in books […]

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I need to die.

by hechatis
written by hechatis

Not because I want to – I simply can’t keep living. It’s not even so much that it hurts (though it does, especially when I stop drowning it out with anything fictional), but because I lack some sort of characteristic needed for life. I don’t have the will to live or rather for actions needed to survive. I can’t finish university – it’s been five years since I graduated high school and I went straight to college, yet after changing my major I have spent the last three years unable to finish even the first course of my studies. I’ve had maybe five job interviews […]

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