Today was very rough. Perhaps one of the worst days I’ve ever had. Suddenly I just knew I am going to kill myself. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week, but it WILL happen. It’s like it’s set in stone. I found myself planning dates, letters, locations, everything…I cried and cried. I kept trying to tell myself “No, I don’t want this!” But the voice in my head, some kind of demon that possessed me just laughed. I could literally feel me, pathetic little me, begging for this entity to leave me, to let me rest and be happy. But it just laughed and […]
Hello, I just discovered this forum tonight. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. For as long as I can remember, really. But recently, they’ve been stronger than ever. Since my mother committed suicide back in September, I’ve had an ascending urge to do myself in as well. It was all due to desperation at first. But at this time, oddly, I feel peaceful about it. Like I’m making the right decision. Or I would be. I am afraid to hurt the people I love. Just like the way my mother hurt me. Having experienced this pain, I would never wish it upon anyone […]