Author

SJ529

Venting

by SJ529 7/2/2018

written by SJ529

I’m an ass, really? Are you fucking kidding me?

After what i’ve done for you. I hated calling you kitten, it feels like a stupid thing to call someone and yet i did it because you liked it. You told me you loved it and that it made you all blushy and red.. And now i found out from a mutural friend that you’ve actually hated it. Are you fucking kidding me? You told your friends but never bothered to tell me?

You also hated calling me daddy, but i never told you to call me that. You started calling me that, day one of our […]

7/2/2018 1 comment

Back to my old self loathing ways

by SJ529 6/27/2018

written by SJ529

It was about time. I missed those days. The days where I drowned myself in depressing instrumental music. Where I cried myself to sleep three months straight. Why? because it was the only way I can feel. For the past year it was nothing but numbness, emptiness. Things changed for a while and I seemed hopeful but that was short lived. Good things never last anyways. Past week I’ve been monitoring my stress levels with my new phone. Turns out I’m almost always stressed out with my stress levels being on the red bar which I find odd since It felt like a normal regular […]

6/27/2018 1 comment

Amber

by SJ529 6/10/2018

written by SJ529

She left me today on our 3rd week anniversary and it was my fault. I feel like I’m about to lose my job. What a great way to start the week.

I’m sorry. She gave my life meaning. She was my motivation but i didn’t know I was hurting her, stressing her out. I didn’t know everything she sacrificed for me.

I feel empty and if I lose this job now then I think I’m going to end it. I rather it be sooner than later. That way I don’t have to be in fear and that way I can start planning it out.

I asked […]

6/10/2018 0 comment

Suicide Plan

by SJ529 7/27/2015

written by SJ529

Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.

None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.

So I was unloved even […]

7/27/2015 12 comments

I’m sure what I want

by SJ529 6/4/2015

written by SJ529

I’m not sure what I want. I not sure weather I want to kill myself or just die. It’s 2015 and I’ve been facing depression for over four straight years now. When I tell my parents I’m depressed they just think it’s a temporary thing. When I tell my “friends” they think I’m a attention seeking whore and don’t believe me cause I’m always “smiling”. I’m only 16 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I always feel alone. Which causes me to think that no ones cares about me and that’s the reason I’m lonely. I believe that I can be cured by finding […]

6/4/2015 5 comments