I’m not sure what I want. I not sure weather I want to kill myself or just die. It’s 2015 and I’ve been facing depression for over four straight years now. When I tell my parents I’m depressed they just think it’s a temporary thing. When I tell my “friends” they think I’m a attention seeking whore and don’t believe me cause I’m always “smiling”. I’m only 16 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I always feel alone. Which causes me to think that no ones cares about me and that’s the reason I’m lonely. I believe that I can be cured by finding happyniess, by this case finding someone I can just share a part of my life with, someone I can love, Simone that can love me back.
But the sad part is that the nice guy always gets hurt and that nice guys aren’t ment to ever be happy. I’ve tried suicide a few times by different methods but in too much of a coward to do it, so the only thing keeping me alive is the required age to buy a gun. I don’t know if any of you believe in prayer but I ask and ask for happiness but never get it. I heard someone post here that we are ment to suffer for a reason, but why? Is it something I’ve done? And for how long? It’s been years that I felt this way. Hell I even prayed a few times that I died that day.
Sometimes I look back and think of all the times I could’ve died and cried because I didn’t. Why the fuck am I still alive? Why can’t I get a girlfriend? I guess this is my punishment to live a long as a human being can…
Why are you doing this to me lord?